LDR… or je ne sais quoi???

So “Long Distance Relationship or Romance?” or just je ne sais quio… one of my girlfriends was arguing with me sometime in October that this was no LDR because we were thousands of miles away from each other and I never went out with him (in Paris). I turned him down and still refuse to see him when he offered to come and visit me here in the US because I’m not quite ready (still warming up). My argument was, it doesn’t matter that there’s that 5,000+ miles between us because a lot of people develop a relationship through the internet and I would like to see how this goes but for now I would like to stay friends and that is a relationship, hence, still an LDR.


I decided to write about what exactly is an LDR…  for starters, we all know it stands for “long distance relationship”. I wanted to switch the R to “romance” just because… But what is it exactly? Is it an LDR if we haven’t really placed a “label” on this je ne sais quoi. coz we haven’t really… just coz we don’t want to… not just yet… “no pressure just pleasure” is kinda our thing. Well, I kinda like it for now.  Hmmm… doesn’t it sound like something a guy would say? 😉


First I’ll break it down…

LD = Long Distance.

Approximately 5,000+ miles of land and water separates us from each other. And the time difference doesn’t make it any easier.



Relationship means…

  • a connection, association,  or involvement  between individuals
  • an emotional,  romantic. or “passionate attachment between people
  • a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
  • the way in which two or more people or things are connected


Romance means…[ romauns, from Old French romans, ultimately from Latin Rōmānicus Roman]… (noun) 1. a love affair, esp an intense and happy but short-lived affair involving young people; 2. love, esp romantic love idealized for its purity or beauty; 3. a spirit of or  inclination for adventure, excitement, or mystery; 4. a mysterious, exciting, sentimental, or nostalgic quality, esp one associated with a place.



I can tell you that it’s not going to be easy… even with the abundance of different options in tech communication that may bridge the gap. It takes a lot of work, consistency, commitment and  big time TRUST for it to work. I  still don’t trust the guy. I think he’s full of shit…. well, sometimes…   If he weren’t so HOT! lol  I think he’s either married with a wife who lives far from Paris or he has lots of girlfriends or maybe both.  😉   But this is just me being paranoid… he could also just  be single and emotionally unavailable.


I found this article  on  “3 Things that make long distance relationships stronger“…  It’s very enlightening… and insightful…  as well as this one… “18 little ways you can tell in the first month that your relationship is actually going to last“…  I think this should help you decide if it’s worth investing your time and energy on this LDR before it’s too late.

Anyway, I feel that our connection is undeniable… there’s definitely something going on. We have started early on calling each other endearing names. The ambiguity of our “relationship” is quite unsettling at times but the excitement it brings is  off the charts. I have never met a man who has blown my mind and rocked my world without even touching the tip of my finger. The high I get from our skype sessions stays with me for weeks on end. Oh-em-gee!!! There is a god!!!



La vie est belle, n’est-ce pas?


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



What women want…

People are unique, hence our needs are unique. However, there are certain things that are essential to a relationship.

I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t expect some kind of reciprocity in a relationship.

I am a giver… I love to give especially to those whom I love… whether it’s material stuff, love, attention, sexual intimacy, name it. I don’t ask for much but I feel more inspired to give when I know that my partner is someone who is also generous in many ways.

Nobody can give and give and not take anything back. Sooner or later you’ll feel depleted and you’ll start to lose that feeling of wanting to give.

Think about yourself, too.

If you don’t… who else will?

Grosses bises  ❤️Etoile

Dead Bedroom

So there is a word for this? Really! I was in a Dead Bedroom for several years and I didn’t know there was a word for it. It was like being sick for a long time but it went undiagnosed, kinda sorta. Yeah, something like that. It made me feel empty, lonely, depressed. It messed me up — big time. It didn’t matter that other men desired me. What mattered was that my (ex)husband wasn’t up to it and I wasn’t going to cheat. Period!


Now let’s talk about DB… what is it actually? From a guy’s viewpoint, it’s like ‘duty-sex’ or starfish sex. It is scarce, mediocre, unenthusiastic. This is when the woman puts-out just enough to keep you around. And by keep you around.  I mean you giving her comfort, validation, attention, and buying her things.

How do you know if your married sex life has hit the skids?  What is the proper number of times a week anyway?  Let’s start with some numbers: According to the Kinsey Institute, most married couples in America between the ages of 24-49 have sex about once a week.  26% are doing it 2-3 times per week.  And then there are the mythical 3% who are doing it 4 or more times per week.  God bless you, gentlemen.

But what about the 23% doing it once a month?  Or those couples who haven’t had sex at all in the past year? Welcome to the frozen tundra known asThe Dead Bedroom”.


My (ex)husband wasn’t all that bad. He was a nice guy but things happened. It started with the recession. His company downsized and he had to stay at home for several years like a lot of men I know because it was tough to find a job. I thought he must be feeling depressed or something. It must be a guy thing. So it started there, then he gained weight and started having health problems. He’s several years younger than myself but I’m a lot younger looking and more fit because I take care of myself. But we loved each other and stayed together despite of the dead bedroom situation.

Aspirin for your headache

I have always had a very strong libido. If I’m in a relationship, I’m an “everyday” kinda woman if and when I can — multiple times a day, back-to-back if possible 😉 . LOL  My ex was more like a “once a week” persuasion…  I was willing to compromise. And I did for a long time. But the 1-2x/week became 1-2x/ month then it became 2 months, 3 months then half a year went by.  And then I stopped counting.

It was a source of constant frustration to me, and not just sexual. It was emotionally frustrating to walk around all the time throbbing at the heart and the pussy. Even my bad back barely slowed me down.

DB women-husband-lover-dead_bedroom-boring_sex_life-marriage-mfln8493_low.jpg

Before you call me a nympho, let me clarify. I am actually a “giver”. So it doesn’t have to be full-on sexual intercourse all the time. It can be an after shower fellatio, or just before you go to your car, on your way to work BJ. Sumthin like that. Yup! That’s me.It could be a quickie here and there if hubby feels like it, maybe in the pantry while I’m cooking.

You must think, where do I get the energy? I just think it’s important in a relationship to make sure that we make room for sex and intimacy and be clear that those two are different. If and when I want to be intimate with my hubby, I want to make sure he’s right there with me coz for me it’s a spiritual experience and if I’m there for him for sex he better be there for me when I need him. Tit for tat.

DB SolutionTree

We’ve been divorced a couple of years now. We’ve been in a platonic relationship way longer than that. We’re still good. We hang out. I guess we kinda have a relationship like Channing and Jenna based on how the media portrays them now. It’s healthy. No expectations.

My kids ask me — “what do you think you’re doing?” coz they’ve seen me miserable the last few years we were together. I say, “we’re just hanging out. It’s not like we’re getting back together.”

I’m moving on…

Grosses bises  ❤️Etoile

Peni$ Rings

I was looking for sex toys and I chanced upon penis rings. I have never used these before so I thought why not now. There’s one big problem though. I do not have a partner with a penis. Actually, I do not have a partner, period. I did just dump my “accidental” bf’s ass not too long ago before I tried some of the sex toys I ordered. (And before I even got to try his penis for a spin 😉 LoL)  But then again, I might be able to use this on my Frenchie next time we see each other. If he’s open… which I don’t doubt. You know what they say about the French and pleasure. 😜 Yeah, yeah… I know I’m a good talker. LoL


Here are two sites I checked out for reviews on these things.

Top 10 Most Popular Vibrating Ring Brands that Will Keep Your Hard-on Truly Hard

To prevent damage or bruising to the penis, a ring should not restrict the blood flow for more than 20 minutes at a time. Beginners should only wear a ring for 5-10 to make sure it’s not too tight. If pain is felt at any time or if the genitals feel cold, the ring should be removed as soon as possible. 

(Also, if you have erectile dysfunction, a blood clotting disorder, any peripheral vascular or nerve disease, or are taking any blood-thinning medication, please check with you doctor before trying a penis ring.)

Here’s why you should NOT wear a cock ring for an extended period of time:

An erection that lasts several hours can cause blood coagulation in the penis, making it difficult to lose the erection. This is called priapism, a prolonged erection. Since new blood cannot enter the penis, this can be severely painful and cause permanent damage to the erectile tissue. If this happens to you, GO TO THE HOSPITAL ASAP

SOURCE: Top 5 Best Penis Rings<<<<

Grosses bisses ❤️ Etoile

Kissing in Paris

Ooooh la la! That kiss… it haunts me.

It has been over a month… exactly 40 days since our lips locked. Now I can say that I’ve actually been French kissed… literally… haha

It makes me wonder if all Frenchmen kiss that passionately… I know it sounds like a stupid stereotype but isn’t it one of their trademarks? haha



It was really good but I’m starting to forget how great it was.

It was one of the best kisses I’ve ever had.

I didn’t get enough. It was dumb of me to have an accidental bf just before I flew to Paris. Shame on me for kissing him. But more shame on me for feeling so guilty when in fact it wasn’t a real relationship and I ended up feeling guilty anyway.

And now, I regret not being able to enjoy the romantic moment with him that I’ve been fantasizing about for 2 years… coz of a stupid, impulsive decision on my part to say “yes” to a guy who has no idea what being “exclusive” means.


And now I feel I’ve lost that chance.





Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Breadcrumbing… is this the latest dating fuckery?

I’ve never heard of breadcrumbing until recently. Then it dawned on me that I’ve been a victim target and I wasn’t aware that was such a thing. Apparently, it’s also called “Hansel & Gretelling”, i.e., when one gives another just enough attention to keep their hope of a “relationship” alive. This is the most frustrating thing ever. It’s so confusing.

Thank God I have no patience for flakiness or I would’ve been victimized by these breadcrumbers. That would’ve been a waste of my precious time. Ugh! 🙄

Breadcrumbing’ is “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages to members of the opposite sex in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort.” — Urban DictionaryAnd, while the act itself is just as awful as “ghosting”, I’d rather be ghosted and be able to move on than be lead on. The act of ghosting is rude, immature and cowardly but breadcrumbing is deceitful, malicious and just downright evil if you ask me.

Breadcrumbing is more insidious than it initially appears, it’s more like “gaslighting” where one starts questioning their sanity and think they’re going crazy after they’ve been manipulated. You end up second-guessing yourself — was there something there or did my mind just play tricks on me?

It’s interesting how this new era of dating has evolved into this. It’s so hard to trust people nowadays coz you don’t ever know which one will play you, or ghost you or bench you or breadcrumb you.


You cannot judge a book by its cover. The nicer the guy, the easier to fall, the harder it is to believe that you’ve been duped. All you will do is blame yourself… but don’t… don’t let these losers change you and make you hard.

Don’t lose faith in humanity.

There are still good people out there.

Just proceed with caution.

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile