LDR… or je ne sais quoi???

So “Long Distance Relationship or Romance?” or just je ne sais quio… one of my girlfriends was arguing with me sometime in October that this was no LDR because we were thousands of miles away from each other and I never went out with him (in Paris). I turned him down and still refuse to see him when he offered to come and visit me here in the US because I’m not quite ready (still warming up). My argument was, it doesn’t matter that there’s that 5,000+ miles between us because a lot of people develop a relationship through the internet and I would like to see how this goes but for now I would like to stay friends and that is a relationship, hence, still an LDR.


I decided to write about what exactly is an LDR…  for starters, we all know it stands for “long distance relationship”. I wanted to switch the R to “romance” just because… But what is it exactly? Is it an LDR if we haven’t really placed a “label” on this je ne sais quoi. coz we haven’t really… just coz we don’t want to… not just yet… “no pressure just pleasure” is kinda our thing. Well, I kinda like it for now.  Hmmm… doesn’t it sound like something a guy would say? 😉


First I’ll break it down…

LD = Long Distance.

Approximately 5,000+ miles of land and water separates us from each other. And the time difference doesn’t make it any easier.



Relationship means…

  • a connection, association,  or involvement  between individuals
  • an emotional,  romantic. or “passionate attachment between people
  • a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
  • the way in which two or more people or things are connected


Romance means…[ romauns, from Old French romans, ultimately from Latin Rōmānicus Roman]… (noun) 1. a love affair, esp an intense and happy but short-lived affair involving young people; 2. love, esp romantic love idealized for its purity or beauty; 3. a spirit of or  inclination for adventure, excitement, or mystery; 4. a mysterious, exciting, sentimental, or nostalgic quality, esp one associated with a place.



I can tell you that it’s not going to be easy… even with the abundance of different options in tech communication that may bridge the gap. It takes a lot of work, consistency, commitment and  big time TRUST for it to work. I  still don’t trust the guy. I think he’s full of shit…. well, sometimes…   If he weren’t so HOT! lol  I think he’s either married with a wife who lives far from Paris or he has lots of girlfriends or maybe both.  😉   But this is just me being paranoid… he could also just  be single and emotionally unavailable.


I found this article  on  “3 Things that make long distance relationships stronger“…  It’s very enlightening… and insightful…  as well as this one… “18 little ways you can tell in the first month that your relationship is actually going to last“…  I think this should help you decide if it’s worth investing your time and energy on this LDR before it’s too late.

Anyway, I feel that our connection is undeniable… there’s definitely something going on. We have started early on calling each other endearing names. The ambiguity of our “relationship” is quite unsettling at times but the excitement it brings is  off the charts. I have never met a man who has blown my mind and rocked my world without even touching the tip of my finger. The high I get from our skype sessions stays with me for weeks on end. Oh-em-gee!!! There is a god!!!



La vie est belle, n’est-ce pas?


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile


Oral Fixation

First, let me tell you that in my culture, we don’t really talk about sex. It’s kinda taboo topic. Especially if you’re a woman, lest you have no qualms on being called a slut or a skank.



Fellatio (Discovery) [800x600]


I take great lengths to give pleasure. I’m a giver. I get really excited when I know that I’m rocking my man’s world. Call it ego but that’s my thing. I don’t really expect anything in return, however, if I feel that my partner is a taker or is not willing to reciprocate even if I don’t even want him to do anything for me (since most of the time I usually am the one giving), I get easily turned off. This is one of the things that broke my past relationship.


When a man receives fellatio he’s generally extremely grateful. If a woman swallows his semen, he looks at it as a huge honor. Don’t ask me why because no man could really explain it. If you can learn to truly enjoy the whole process, you’ll have an unbelievably happy man on your hands. Remember, number one, enthusiasm.  

The best way that his penis fits into your mouth is if you sit between his legs and lean over him. This also allows him a good view. Most men find watching adds a lot of pleasure to what you’re doing. It’s not about whether you’re doing it right, he just likes the visual stimulation.

No matter what you’re doing, except grimacing, he’s going to love watching you. If you can show that you’re really enjoying pleasuring him, he’ll be even more excited. So let him know you’re enjoying it as much as he is. Make noises, look at him with passionate eyes, and treat his penis as if it’s the most important thing in the world. To him, at this moment, it is.

Look at him once in a while. That can really turn him on. Men like to watch and it’s exciting to let him know you like him watching too. Swirl your tongue around the head of his penis, the most sensitive part. Kiss it. Go back to moving in and out. Keep varying what you’re doing, but don’t jump from one thing to another too quickly either–just long enough to where you leave him wanting more.

Allow him to lead. After he’s come, you can slide him inside of you while he’s still hard, which won’t usually last very long. The main thing is to be intuitive about what he’s liking and wanting. Ask him to guide you, to tell you exactly what he likes. If you let him know you really want to please him, he’ll be happy to oblige with specific instructions. Keep the communication sexy, not clinical. Sometimes just saying “Tell me what you want,” is enough to get his input. Each man is individual.

Keep in mind: If he’s not willing to pleasure you with his mouth, you shouldn’t be expected to pleasure him, unless you just like doing it. 

(Source:  How To Give A PERFECT Blow Job (Even If You Hate Doing It)


I am a very “oral” person… I don’t think I have ever talked about this in the past. Or maybe I have mentioned that there was a time my friends called me “Queen of the Nasty” as an inside joke coz of my Oral Fixation or maybe coz I’m just naturally good at “it”.  Not to sound cocky (pun intended. lol 😜 ) After hearing some exes brag about me (and how sorry they were that I dumped their a$$. LoL) and something like this to their guy friends. And you know guys talk, word spread and then hey, you get tagged. What’s a girl gotta do? haha



It pays to know your anatomy, y’know… lol 😉



I found this interesting article that  … 11 Ridiculously Hot Oral Sex Positions You NEED To Try … Y’know, I’m always on the lookout for stuff to spice it up. yeah! 😘


“Psychoanalysts basically believe that if clitoral orgasm is the only way to get sexual emancipation, then this indicates personal immaturity.”   —    Alexander Lowen “Love & orgasm”

I really enjoy giving a good “lip service”… and the more pleasure I give my partner, the more enjoyable the experience is for me. I also am a little OCD. I believe that how you do anything is how you do everything so being a perfectionist, I like to do research and I like reading, checking out new trends and also getting a feel of what makes my partner tick.

Just recently a good friend of mine shared the joys of prostate milking. He went to one of those massage parlors, one of his guilty pleasures unbeknownst to his wife. He says he’s never experienced it before and he got blindsided. He initially felt violated but the pleasure was so strong. He swears he’s never had that kind of intense experience before.

Prostate milking is when a partner inserts a finger in a male’s anus and gently massages or stimulates the prostate while performing fellatio or a hand job. Apparently, this act not only intensifies a man’s pleasure but if performed regularly could decrease his risk of getting prostate cancer.

This piqued my curiosity. If only I would have a willing partner who would be open to intense pleasure… possible, explore the possibility of a male multiple orgasm with me. However, some guys are so homophobic that they can’t be open minded to something like this. Ugh! So frustrating.

Well, I still have some tricks up my sleeves that can blow my man’s mind without having to do prostate milking. There must be a less frightening term for it though. Can you imagine trying to propose this to your man — “Bebe, may I milk your prostate for intense pleasure?”

Ouch! That sounds like that would hurt… haha I’m sure soon enough someone’s going to coin a sexier term for it.


 But I haven’t given up on that. I’ll do some research and who knows I might luck out and find someone to experiment on. One thing’s for sure, I will share the fun with you here. 😁

Blowjob Gorilla

And with that… I’m omw to make my Frenchie a happy man tonight… he’ll have to brace himself for a chevauchée sauvage… 😋😋😋


Also, before you leave, check out this article, “What Men REALLY Think When You’re Giving Him A Blow Job”, by “The Blowjob Instructor” Jack Hutson.


I tell ya, I take this very seriously…  😉


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile




Happy Birthday, my Frenchie ❤️❤️❤️

It’s my Frenchie’s birthday…

wish I was in Paris celebrating with him but for now, we just have to settle with our regular WhatsApp chats…




I can’t wait to see him again in November.

super excited making plans with him.

I wonder how it’ll turn out this time. 🙏🤞🏼


Joyeux  anniversaire, mon cher!

Mille bisous 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘




Energy Orgasm (full body orgasm)

If you’ve been following my blog, you must know by now that I’m the kind of person who is a pleaser… a giver… and being a little competitive and OCD, I love to do research and perfect my craft.

I’m also pretty curious and I happen to bump into the realm of energy orgasm which is connected to Tantra which I have been thinking of delving into since 2003 (I met this Italian guy who introduced this concept to me. This piqued my curiosity then Sting happened and the rest is history). Tantra teachers educate people on how to direct sexual energy out of the genitals so that it flows throughout the whole body. This is the ultimate pleasure – when every cell of your body tingles in delight. Nice!


What is an Energy Orgasm? 

An ENERGY orgasm or full-body orgasm is an experience of feeling your whole body vibrating with orgasmic energy. This can be done outside of a sexual context as well as while making love… the good news is anyone can learn how to have a full-body orgasm.



How to Have an Energy Orgasm?

The more energy you have, the more intense the orgasm. Focus on the feeling you get from each touch, and the deep connection you have with your partner. As you explore each other’s bodies, slowly your energy will build momentum, and you’ll feel your mind and body transcending to a deeper place.


A full body orgasm includes a variety of sensations that lead to an orgasm that may last between a few minutes and a few hours. This is a game changer for men since with practice, they can actually finally experience “multiple” orgasm.


Anyway, I joined this meetup group in LA and I signed up for these workshops they’re hosting in Redondo Beach. I’m really excited and very nervous at the same time. I was really hoping that I would have a willing partner but it’s neither here nor there. I have decided to go solo.

I’ll keep you posted… haha


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



What Women Want…

People are unique, hence our needs are unique. However, there are certain things that are essential to a relationship.




I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t expect some kind of reciprocity in a relationship.



I am a giver… I love to give especially to those whom I love… whether it’s material stuff, love, attention, sexual intimacy, name it. I don’t ask for much but I feel more inspired to give when I know that my partner is someone who is also generous in many ways.





Nobody can give and give and not take anything back. Sooner or later you’ll feel depleted and you’ll start to lose that feeling of wanting to give.




Think about yourself, too.

If you don’t… who else will?


Grosses bises  ❤️Etoile

Dead Bedroom

So there is a word for this? Really! I was in a Dead Bedroom for several years and I didn’t know there was a word for it. It was like being sick for a long time but it went undiagnosed, kinda sorta. Yeah, something like that. It made me feel empty, lonely, depressed. It messed me up — big time. It didn’t matter that other men desired me. What mattered was that my (ex)husband wasn’t up to it and I wasn’t going to cheat. Period!


Now let’s talk about DB… what is it actually? From a guy’s viewpoint, it’s like ‘duty-sex’ or starfish sex. It is scarce, mediocre, unenthusiastic. This is when the woman puts-out just enough to keep you around. And by keep you around.  I mean you giving her comfort, validation, attention, and buying her things.

How do you know if your married sex life has hit the skids?  What is the proper number of times a week anyway?  Let’s start with some numbers: According to the Kinsey Institute, most married couples in America between the ages of 24-49 have sex about once a week.  26% are doing it 2-3 times per week.  And then there are the mythical 3% who are doing it 4 or more times per week.  God bless you, gentlemen.

But what about the 23% doing it once a month?  Or those couples who haven’t had sex at all in the past year? Welcome to the frozen tundra known asThe Dead Bedroom”.


My (ex)husband wasn’t all that bad. He was a nice guy but things happened. It started with the recession. His company downsized and he had to stay at home for several years like a lot of men I know because it was tough to find a job. I thought he must be feeling depressed or something. It must be a guy thing. So it started there, then he gained weight and started having health problems. He’s several years younger than myself but I’m a lot younger looking and more fit because I take care of myself. But we loved each other and stayed together despite of the dead bedroom situation.

Aspirin for your headache

I have always had a very strong libido. If I’m in a relationship, I’m an “everyday” kinda woman if and when I can — multiple times a day, back-to-back if possible 😉 . LOL  My ex was more like a “once a week” persuasion…  I was willing to compromise. And I did for a long time. But the 1-2x/week became 1-2x/ month then it became 2 months, 3 months then half a year went by.  And then I stopped counting.

It was a source of constant frustration to me, and not just sexual. It was emotionally frustrating to walk around all the time throbbing at the heart and the pussy. Even my bad back barely slowed me down.

DB women-husband-lover-dead_bedroom-boring_sex_life-marriage-mfln8493_low.jpg

Before you call me a nympho, let me clarify. I am actually a “giver”. So it doesn’t have to be full-on sexual intercourse all the time. It can be an after shower fellatio, or just before you go to your car, on your way to work BJ. Sumthin like that. Yup! That’s me.It could be a quickie here and there if hubby feels like it, maybe in the pantry while I’m cooking.

You must think, where do I get the energy? I just think it’s important in a relationship to make sure that we make room for sex and intimacy and be clear that those two are different. If and when I want to be intimate with my hubby, I want to make sure he’s right there with me coz for me it’s a spiritual experience and if I’m there for him for sex he better be there for me when I need him. Tit for tat.

DB SolutionTree

We’ve been divorced a couple of years now. We’ve been in a platonic relationship way longer than that. We’re still good. We hang out. I guess we kinda have a relationship like Channing and Jenna based on how the media portrays them now. It’s healthy. No expectations.

My kids ask me — “what do you think you’re doing?” coz they’ve seen me miserable the last few years we were together. I say, “we’re just hanging out. It’s not like we’re getting back together.”

I’m moving on…

Grosses bises  ❤️Etoile

Peni$ Rings

I was looking for sex toys and I chanced upon penis rings. I have never used these before so I thought why not now. There’s one big problem though. I do not have a partner with a penis. Actually, I do not have a partner, period. I did just dump my “accidental” bf’s ass not too long ago before I tried some of the sex toys I ordered. (And before I even got to try his penis for a spin 😉 LoL)  But then again, I might be able to use this on my Frenchie next time we see each other. If he’s open… which I don’t doubt. You know what they say about the French and pleasure. 😜 Yeah, yeah… I know I’m a good talker. LoL


Here are two sites I checked out for reviews on these things.

Top 10 Most Popular Vibrating Ring Brands that Will Keep Your Hard-on Truly Hard

To prevent damage or bruising to the penis, a ring should not restrict the blood flow for more than 20 minutes at a time. Beginners should only wear a ring for 5-10 to make sure it’s not too tight. If pain is felt at any time or if the genitals feel cold, the ring should be removed as soon as possible. 

(Also, if you have erectile dysfunction, a blood clotting disorder, any peripheral vascular or nerve disease, or are taking any blood-thinning medication, please check with you doctor before trying a penis ring.)

Here’s why you should NOT wear a cock ring for an extended period of time:

An erection that lasts several hours can cause blood coagulation in the penis, making it difficult to lose the erection. This is called priapism, a prolonged erection. Since new blood cannot enter the penis, this can be severely painful and cause permanent damage to the erectile tissue. If this happens to you, GO TO THE HOSPITAL ASAP

SOURCE: Top 5 Best Penis Rings<<<<

Grosses bisses ❤️ Etoile

Kissing in Paris

Ooooh la la! That kiss… it haunts me.

It has been over a month… exactly 40 days since our lips locked. Now I can say that I’ve actually been French kissed… literally… haha

It makes me wonder if all Frenchmen kiss that passionately… I know it sounds like a stupid stereotype but isn’t it one of their trademarks? haha



It was really good but I’m starting to forget how great it was.

It was one of the best kisses I’ve ever had.

I didn’t get enough. It was dumb of me to have an accidental bf just before I flew to Paris. Shame on me for kissing him. But more shame on me for feeling so guilty when in fact it wasn’t a real relationship and I ended up feeling guilty anyway.

And now, I regret not being able to enjoy the romantic moment with him that I’ve been fantasizing about for 2 years… coz of a stupid, impulsive decision on my part to say “yes” to a guy who has no idea what being “exclusive” means.


And now I feel I’ve lost that chance.





Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Breadcrumbing… is this the latest dating fuckery?

I’ve never heard of breadcrumbing until recently. Then it dawned on me that I’ve been a victim target and I wasn’t aware that was such a thing. Apparently, it’s also called “Hansel & Gretelling”, i.e., when one gives another just enough attention to keep their hope of a “relationship” alive. This is the most frustrating thing ever. It’s so confusing.

Thank God I have no patience for flakiness or I would’ve been victimized by these breadcrumbers. That would’ve been a waste of my precious time. Ugh! 🙄

Breadcrumbing’ is “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages to members of the opposite sex in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort.” — Urban DictionaryAnd, while the act itself is just as awful as “ghosting”, I’d rather be ghosted and be able to move on than be lead on. The act of ghosting is rude, immature and cowardly but breadcrumbing is deceitful, malicious and just downright evil if you ask me.

Breadcrumbing is more insidious than it initially appears, it’s more like “gaslighting” where one starts questioning their sanity and think they’re going crazy after they’ve been manipulated. You end up second-guessing yourself — was there something there or did my mind just play tricks on me?

It’s interesting how this new era of dating has evolved into this. It’s so hard to trust people nowadays coz you don’t ever know which one will play you, or ghost you or bench you or breadcrumb you.


You cannot judge a book by its cover. The nicer the guy, the easier to fall, the harder it is to believe that you’ve been duped. All you will do is blame yourself… but don’t… don’t let these losers change you and make you hard.

Don’t lose faith in humanity.

There are still good people out there.

Just proceed with caution.

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile