LDR… or je ne sais quoi???

So “Long Distance Relationship or Romance?” or just je ne sais quio… one of my girlfriends was arguing with me sometime in October that this was no LDR because we were thousands of miles away from each other and I never went out with him (in Paris). I turned him down and still refuse to see him when he offered to come and visit me here in the US because I’m not quite ready (still warming up). My argument was, it doesn’t matter that there’s that 5,000+ miles between us because a lot of people develop a relationship through the internet and I would like to see how this goes but for now I would like to stay friends and that is a relationship, hence, still an LDR.

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I decided to write about what exactly is an LDR…  for starters, we all know it stands for “long distance relationship”. I wanted to switch the R to “romance” just because… But what is it exactly? Is it an LDR if we haven’t really placed a “label” on this je ne sais quoi. coz we haven’t really… just coz we don’t want to… not just yet… “no pressure just pleasure” is kinda our thing. Well, I kinda like it for now.  Hmmm… doesn’t it sound like something a guy would say? 😉

 

First I’ll break it down…

LD = Long Distance.

Approximately 5,000+ miles of land and water separates us from each other. And the time difference doesn’t make it any easier.

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Relationship means…

  • a connection, association,  or involvement  between individuals
  • an emotional,  romantic. or “passionate attachment between people
  • a romantic or sexual friendship between two people
  • the way in which two or more people or things are connected

 

Romance means…[ romauns, from Old French romans, ultimately from Latin Rōmānicus Roman]… (noun) 1. a love affair, esp an intense and happy but short-lived affair involving young people; 2. love, esp romantic love idealized for its purity or beauty; 3. a spirit of or  inclination for adventure, excitement, or mystery; 4. a mysterious, exciting, sentimental, or nostalgic quality, esp one associated with a place.

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I can tell you that it’s not going to be easy… even with the abundance of different options in tech communication that may bridge the gap. It takes a lot of work, consistency, commitment and  big time TRUST for it to work. I  still don’t trust the guy. I think he’s full of shit…. well, sometimes…   If he weren’t so HOT! lol  I think he’s either married with a wife who lives far from Paris or he has lots of girlfriends or maybe both.  😉   But this is just me being paranoid… he could also just  be single and emotionally unavailable.

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I found this article  on  “3 Things that make long distance relationships stronger“…  It’s very enlightening… and insightful…  as well as this one… “18 little ways you can tell in the first month that your relationship is actually going to last“…  I think this should help you decide if it’s worth investing your time and energy on this LDR before it’s too late.

Anyway, I feel that our connection is undeniable… there’s definitely something going on. We have started early on calling each other endearing names. The ambiguity of our “relationship” is quite unsettling at times but the excitement it brings is  off the charts. I have never met a man who has blown my mind and rocked my world without even touching the tip of my finger. The high I get from our skype sessions stays with me for weeks on end. Oh-em-gee!!! There is a god!!!

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La vie est belle, n’est-ce pas?

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

Things I Hate about You

I’m trying to get over friggin’ Zohan. I didn’t realize he’s such a douchebag. I was so blinded. How did that even happen? I’ve been talking to him since last year, how did I allow him to get me blindsided. You think you know people, huh.

 

Well, I really have no idea if he really is a douchebag coz I have no proof that he’s playing me. I just have this feeling in my gut. Am I just being paranoid? Maybe… Am I just being dramatic? Maybe…  just allow me, I’m a woman… let me be… blame it on my hormones. lol

 

Sure, I cannot make up my mind. I have a love-hate relationship with this guy every week or every other day. What is wrong with him? What is wrong with me??? Okay, maybe he’s not a total douchebag… just a little flaky and shady for my taste.

 

 

So let me hate him today. He pissed me off again. Why do I give him so much power over me? Um, what did he do this time? Let me think… Did he forget to call me back? Was he acting a litte bit shady again? Did he fib? Did he break a promise? or he just simply looked left when he was to look right? Come to think of it, he hasn’t broken a promise since he asked me that one day to give him One Last Chance. Gosh! I don’t even remember what he did. It’s just one of those days that he gets me all pissed.

 

So now, I’m trying to get over him again… this seems to be a practice of mine that I do on a weekly basis at the least. This reminds me of the movie “Love Sick” (Matt LeBlanc) but from a woman’s standpoint. I go crazy, get pissed for any reason… I tell him to leave me alone… go to hell… Why is he still here? Why is he putting up with this shit? What does he want from me???

 

I already knew I didn’t like his crooked teeth and I have a thing for nice teeth. I really had no idea what was going on there. (#sorrynotsorry) And he had facial hair which I’m not really a big fan of (he had a circle beard that to me looks like a front lawn that’s growing weeds). LOL  It’s coz he has white hair here and there which makes him look older than me.

Then there’s the issue of his not so sweet smelling breath on top of the very crooked and not white (some discolored) teeth. Ugh!!! I’m trying to be nice and tactful here. He needs to visit his dentist. Stat!

 

 

Heathe Ledger 13e1950c13c860e17c0f1ec706d5f3c1

Oh, young love! But then, doesn’t love make us feel young? I love loove looove Heathe… RIP

Okay, okay… I’m being very critical…

So, I talked myself into giving it a chance and looking over these things. He’s a little cute. Sure I can kiss that mouth. I’ll give him mint. Strong mint! Seriously, if it were bad enough that I didn’t think the mint could’ve taken care of it, I wouldn’t even have considered kissing the guy. He’s cute but he wasn’t that cute. Besides, I didn’t consider that he’d rather spend more time down there so it wouldn’t really have mattered to me. Oh, heaven! 😉

 

I really thought he was gonna be my “Mr. Right Now”… for a few months at least. But it’s looking bleak from where I’m standing. And I’m getting really frustrated. There seems to be no progress.

That’s it! I am getting more and more frustrated.

Voila!!! My a-ha moment.

So this is the deal. It seems he’s holding off coz I’m not ready to have sex with him.

Now, he’s really pissing me off more.

But then again… I know I’ll still be seeing his a$$… why do I do this???

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

 

I’m Done (?)

I know I’ve decided that Zohan was going to be my Mr. Right Now… but I didn’t realize that it was going to be shortlived… like really short. I feel like I’m done and I want out before I get a bad taste in my mouth.

I was having a conversation with him last night.  I don’t know how many times I have told him that I’m done. But he’s not taking me seriously. He did beg for “One Last Chance“… he hasn’t blown it. But I really feel that I’m done.

I was upset… for some reason I got jealous… there’s this chick who’s been following (hounding) him and I just feel that there’s something going on. I saw him in the hallway and she happens to be there too though they weren’t talking, I just didn’t care. That was enough. I was pissed and stormed to my car.  I started texting him before I left.

Moi: I’m really done with you. Stop bothering me.
Zohan:  Are you still here?
Moi: I wanna stop this while I still have some respect left for you so please…
Zohan: Where are you?
Moi: Stop! What do you want from me?
Zohan: I’m walking out. I need to see you.
Moi: If I tell you now that I’m not going to have sex with you, will you leave me alone? Never!
Zohan: No.
Zohan: Where are you? I just want to hug you.
Moi: Please. I don’t want you to touch me.
There are many women there… just ask one of them out. You shouldn’t have a problem. You’re cute and charming. you can get any woman.
Zohan: Stop! I want you.
I’m here…
Moi: I’m gone.

 

I told him that I feel that I was much better off before he even came into my life. Now he’s just a distraction. I don’t even feel inspired. I’m actually getting frustrated and aggravated instead of happy and inspired. That means a lot. I didn’t sign up for this.

 

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I don’t like the person I am becoming. I feel like I’m being mean. I’m becoming a b#tch which I’m normally not… but it’s really out of frustration. He’s making me angry. Why? But it’s really not his fault. I’m giving him too much power over my emotions. I was just talking to my cousin/BFF, code name: Goose (coz he’s my wingman). I’ve been picking his brain since I got with my Frenchie and I found it to be very helpful.

 

 

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I told Zohan that I’ve decided to maybe just see other people. He says, “Oh, stop!“.

See?

 

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

I’m such an idiot! lol

I was going through my draft folder and I found this break up meme from Game of Thrones. I thought it was funny so I saved it on my phone.

 

This is probably the lamest way to break up with someone. I sent this to Wil (My Dirty Little Secret) by accident last year when we were still kinda seeing each other.  I wanted out coz he was getting so annoying and controlling but I wasn’t sure coz I really liked him.

 

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So I was freaking out coz he was getting really mad at me. I had to get an SOS from my youngest daughter on how I can redeem myself. I didn’t really want it to end this way. It was pretty bitchy and heartless. I believe in Karma y’know.

So I found this.

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Anyways, if in case you’re the one being served. Just know that if the jerk tries to use any of these lines on you. Just save your dignity and say “Good riddance! Hasta la vista baby!” Believe me, you’re doing yourself a huge favor.

 

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Oh, BTW, that’s not the worst part. I was telling the story to my friend a week after and I was trying to show it to her and guess what, I accidentally re-sent it to him again. ugh! FML!!!

 

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Talk about being subtle… LOL

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

 

One Last Chance

So I broke it off again for the nth time with Zohan. I think this is the 3rd time, officially that is.  I think that one time was the space I asked over the weekend then the next one was what I wrote about Second Chances when it was getting too complicated for me and I felt like there were too many deal breakers than I can handle that it just wasn’t worth it to go on.

 

Then this, coz the MoFo stood me up for breakfast without even letting me know. What an ass! Honestly, we bumped into each other and as usual, when he sees me, his face lights up, he looked like a puppy dog…  but I was sooo pissed when I saw him. “WTF!!! Why is he here? Did he forget?” I was really looking forward to that breakfast with him, He wanted to see me yesterday and today but I said no. He was quite persistent. But I was very firm. He made me say yes today…  then this???!!!

Zohan: hey
Moi: Oh, hi Jake, how’s it goin’?
Zohan: Jake?
Zohan: Who’s Jake?
Zohan: hello
Moi: You’re an asshole!!! Again, you pressure me into seeing you today for breakfast right after I got off work  and you didn’t even have the decency to cancel!!! I had to cancel an appointment and make changes to my schedule coz of you… yada yada yada
Moi: Will you just leave me the hell alone!!!
Zohan: I’m so sorry. There was a work emergency… I was called in and I knew I was going to see you anyway. Please understand.
Zohan: Please…
Zohan: I care about you…
Moi: Stop saying you care about me coz you don’t! You keep doing this shit and it doesn’t make sense. I’m very very hurt… VERY HURT.  JUST LEAVE ME ALONE… I’m done!
Zohan: Can you stop that.
Zohan: I’m serious.
Zohan: U know I care. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t even say that. Please stop being mad at me.
Zohan: Please…

Moi: It was nice knowing you.

 

Well, he comes to see me later on. I won’t even look at his face. He begs me to give him a chance asking me to look at him. Of course, he wants me to see his puppy dog eyes.  He hugs me, we kiss. He asks me if I really wanted him to leave me alone and I said yes… as we looked into each other’s eyes. He knew I was serious. I told him I really cannot do this anymore. I asked him that if he really cared for me, he’ll leave me alone.

 

He asked me if I can give him one more chance. One more promise that he won’t break and if he does then he’ll leave me alone. I wasn’t saying anything. He asked me if I can think about it. 

 

 

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I told my daughter  about this and she says, “Mommy you’re so extra!”

 

Am I? I think not!

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

 

 

 

Our Second Kiss… Damn, boy!!!

I wrote about our First Kiss which was “blah” in my book. So I’m giving Zohan another chance coz there’s no way a guy as cocky as this one who gives really good “lip service” wouldn’t be able to rock my world in that department. I love love loooove kissing. It’s one of my most favorite things in the world next to dark chocolates. lol

Moi: So are you gonna kiss me?
Zohan:  looks at me and smiles  😉
Moi: You’re really pissing me off!!!
Zohan: Well, I don’t want you to think I’m disrespecting you. You said you weren’t “ready”.
Moi: Ugh! Stop, fucking with me! You play too much!
Zohan: Don’t say that! You have no idea what that means. And I’m not fucking with you…
Moi: hmmmp!
Zohan: Okay, I’ll give you a little kiss.

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Moi: Oh, my God!!! What the fuck was that???!!! Please get out of my car!
Zohan: Okay. I’m not gonna say I told you so. 

He steps out of the car chuckling while I was trying to catch my breath…

Moi: Friggin’ cocky $%#*@…   Ugh! lol  🙂

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

 

 

I Love You… between the shadow and the soul…

This is something I have never experienced… I don’t think.

It must be a blessing.

I’ve heard stories of heartaches from this from my girlfriends and colleagues of all genders through the years and I can only ask…

How can you allow this to happen? This can only bring pain and suffering…

 

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This is like a secret crush.

Like a secret lover… he just doesn’t know it… yet… haha

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Oh, thank God I don’t think I have met the “right person”… the right “f#ck buddy” maybe (will I ever find out?)… hehe  but not Mr. Right. He is trouble and I know that I should stay away from him… but maybe trouble’s just what I need right now.  So, what to do??? Proceed with caution… well, I’ll say…

 

An unrequited love… because he doesn’t know you exist… not in those terms… but as someone who may be a potential lover… a potential mate.

Someone who may rock his world to kingdom cum.

In short… he has no idea what he’s missing.

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Will he ever know???

Will you ever do anything about it???

or will you just love him from a distance… hiding in the shadows…

only time will tell…

 

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile