It’s September again. How time flies. Two years ago around this time, something happened that will change my life forever.
When I heard this song I thought that this could be one of our songs. My Frenchie and I met around that week, it was a cloudy day. In fact, it rained which is how we met. Quite serendipitous!
If the universe had nothing to do with our paths crossing then I’ll be darned! LOL 😉
Anyway, I can’t contain my excitement!!!. I’ll be back next month in the same sweet spot where we met that one fateful night.
I still haven’t decided if we should meet up. We have been making plans though and I really don’t want to stand him up. It’s just that I’ve been so crazy about him I don’t know if it’s a good idea. Plus I’m seeing someone right now. I haven’t really committed yet coz at the back of my mind I know that I have to see my Frenchie. And If I had a bf that would be cheating so, no. I’m still pretty much single and available though this seems getting a little serious at this point. Idk, I’ll write about it at some point.
Anyway, I actually left him a message last month saying that I might not be able to see him in Paris after all cause my sched is pretty hectic. That was an attempt to dodge him. But he won’t take no for an answer. He says I refused to let him visit me here in the US and made him wait 2 years so it’s just fair. LoL
I told him I’ll call him as soon as I get to Paris.
The “coffee” is still on for now — 70/30 at least 😉
Grosses bises ♥ Etoile
My daughter had been bugging me to create a Tinder account since last year. I told her I didn’t care for that. She says, “Mom, it’s fun! You should check it out!” Well, I got a new phone and before I could set up the lock code she made an account from me and started swiping. Surprise! Surprise! I get these messages (notifications) from these hot, ripped, young(er) men and I had to ask… what the hell was going on?
I was hoping for men closer to my age if I were to start dating again. I didn’t really think I’d want to go out again for a while after the thing with Z went South… plus I’m still (probably) going to meet up with My Frenchie over coffee 😉 in Paris next month.
It’s next month already!?!?! Wow! How time flies.
Anyway, I used this app for a month and dated a handful of guys just to get my feet wet in the dating scene.
These French firemen 🔥🔥🔥 will make women want to commit arson. LoL 😜 Omg! I didn’t realize that it’s actually raining men out there. Where have I been? I must’ve been hiding under a rock… literally. 🙄
Now I realized that the odds are on my side even though there are still men out there who haven’t outgrown their shady $hit and some mind games. I’m still feeling optimistic that it’s not that hard to find love for women my age. I have a strong feeling I’ll be able to find my King 👑 in no time.
Keeping my fingers crossed. 🤞
Grosses bisses ❤️ Etoile
I don’t know why but this word just crossed my mind… it seemed like the right word to describe Z (my Spring Fling).
I have been thinking about WTH was going on with Z. Was he a Narcissist? A Sociopath? I’m not sure he’s that bad.
Then, I checked out the Urban dictionary… I’ll just paraphrase and put together what people thought best describes a “fuckboy”.
I haven’t even heard of anyone using the term before. How did I think of it… and it’s actually a word?!?! LOL
A fuckboy hopefully prepares us for the next adventure. He opens our eyes and helps us realize that we deserve better. We know our worth, and the standards that we need to set for our future relationships… so how do we end up with a poser? How do we miss the signs? We just have to be more careful and watch out for those blinders.
Incidentally, I just watched the movie “Spread” starring Ashton Kutcher who’s a typical fuck boy in the movie. He’s young, charming and handsome, living the good life in Hollywood by giving rich, older women plenty of what they want: Great SEX!
I actually thought of telling Z to watch it and maybe he might learn a trick or two from Ashton to up his game coz it seems to me that he’s used to catching anchovies… not big fishes… He just lost a big fish (moi)… he has no clue when he’s already got a diamond in his hand. He really screwed up big time. But I am so glad I managed to get out when I did. He could’ve done major damage and jeopardized my job. Or maybe he’s really not that bad. Either that or he really doesn’t play the big leagues. Needless to say, I’m grateful that I got off unscathed. Almost!
Bottom line, the fuckboy is now part of our past. Don’t look back. He is now someone we used to know. He no longer has a place in our hearts and our minds. We have taken back control. Now let us move on.
If you have no idea if you’re with a fuckboy, check this out… 30 Signs You Are Dating A Fuckboy.
Grosses bises ♥ Etoile
When I just started dating Z (my Spring fling), there was something about him that scared me. I wasn’t sure if it was him or me but I guess it was just the dynamics.
There was a way he initially talked to me that made me feel like I couldn’t say no to him. I didn’t understand why but it was like a hardship on my part to turn him down. Looking back. I don’t know how we didn’t end up not having sex. I thank God for that. We had instances where we got really close but I was firm and said I wasn’t ready and he listened.
I feel broken hearted. I know I was the one who broke it off… who asked him to leave me alone many times. But now that he actually listened and stopped calling me, I realized that I miss(?) him and I actually like him more than I thought I did… more than I should have.
I know he’s not good for me… there are so many deal breakers. I have decided from the beginning that this is something that is not going to last. But I should have know better. I couldn’t handle my emotions. Why did I even bother?
Grosses bises ♥ Etoile
Zohan was the first black guy I ever dated. I won’t mince my words, he turned into an @$$hole almost immediately when we started dating. He was hot and cold and shady and got me all confused. But he’s a very different person at Ground Zero… almost everyone liked him there. He’s very charming, a great listener and he seems to be there for people. That’s how I fell for him. I’ve known him since last year but I wasn’t really talking to him. He wasn’t my type even though I did think he was kinda cute. But I had a moment where I was down and vulnerable and I guess he saw that window of opportunity. He swooped in and took advantage of it like a real player playing a fiddle. He was there for me (so I thought) and we got close and that was the beginning of the end. Ugh!
Anyway, I can’t explain what happened. He turned out to be very manipulative, a sweet talker, a “breadcrumber”, a liar and a taker. The exact opposite of what he was selling when we started going out. Initially, he seemed quite interested in what I want. He kept on asking what made me happy, what my hobbies were, what I wanted coz he says he was a “pleaser”… and I would spare you all the graphic stuff but you know where I’m going. I think he’s just used to women who don’t mind being treated like dirt and I warned him that I don’t put up with crap and I guess he thought I was kidding. End of story.
So I can’t say I had a bad run yet. But I won’t write them all off. As I told him, I’m color blind. I didn’t date him coz he was Black. I liked him for who he was til he showed me his true colors.
I felt that he was so confident that once I got a taste of his tool that I’d be begging for more. I think that’s his experience with other women. They didn’t care being treated like dirt for as long as they get more of the “drug” he offered. That made him more friggin’ cocky. Like he is God’s gift to women. Ugh!!! I actually felt curious and almost dared to prove him wrong. Actually, prove the cliché wrong that “Once you go black… “. But that meant that it’ll benefit him too and give him bragging rights so I gave it a No-Go.
I actually felt a little curious just coz he talked (bragged) about it a little too much… and I almost dared to prove him wrong. Actually, wanted to prove the cliché wrong that “Once you go black…” But one night when we were together, he said to me, “I get what I want.” He said it matter of factly. It wasn’t a serious conversation but it stuck and I thought to myself. “I get what I want, too. And screw you! You won’t get a piece of this.” And I stood by it.
Part of me still fantasizes about how it would be like with Zohan. But I think that he’s only good in my fantasy. I honestly think he’s a dud considering the few times we were together, I think he’ll just go straight to it and won’t even bother “pre-heating the oven” if you get what I mean. He’s one of those dudes who doesn’t wanna be bothered with those amatory preludes coz they feel their dick is big enough to rock your world.
Now that he sparked my curiosity about black dudes I really wanna prove if the cliché is true. But I may be setting myself up into a trap that I might not be able to get out of.
I just hope that I’ll meet one who’s also big on integrity like myself. Who is honest and nice and won’t be playing games. I’m a big girl, I think I can handle it.
Grosses bises ♥ Etoile
After the disastrous experience I had with Zohan, I felt like it left a bad taste in my mouth. It’ll take time before I start dating again. I feel like I lost confidence in myself as far as trusting people… men in particular.
How can I be so
blind and gullible?! STOP!!! I’m back in this cycle of being harsh to myself. That is not my affirmation. It’s not my fault that there are people who are good at being so fake and manipulative… who just want to take advantage of others. Moving forward, I just have to be smarter and trust my gut.
Around the time we were seeing each other the Universe sent me messages…. plenty actually. But I chose not to listen. I was so drawn to him for some reason. (I wrote about it in Puppet Master.) Then the Universe started throwing bricks… still I was back and forth. Then the Universe intervened one day. Abruptly, if I may say. Call it Divine intervention. What a relief it was for me. You have no idea. I was totally saved by the bell. Things could’ve made a turn for the worse for me.
Today I turn a new leaf. The Universe sent me a new message thru Abraham Hicks “Let your soul mate in: Being true to yourself“. The message… Nothing is happening to you, it is all invited by you. You invited them through your ATTENTION to them. Now you are aware that you are the “Inviter‘ of these things that happen to you. Next move is for you to go on a rampage of SELECTIVE SIFTING that would say “I’m going to find my 10 favorite things about this person/thing/situation that I find myself focused on”. For example, if you ponder on a lover/ relationship, find 10 fave things about that person then you’ll just focus on things that are positive. This will set the TONE so that only things like your favorite things will come into your vibrational range.
Un peu, beaucoup, aveuglément! (BLIND DATE)
Blind Date (French title: Un peu, beaucoup, aveuglément) is a 2015 French romantic comedy film directed by and starring Clovis Cornillac. The film also stars Mélanie Bernier, Lilou Fogli and Philippe Duquesne. It won the audience award at the 19th annual COLCOA French Film Festival in Los Angeles and the Best First Film award at the 2015 Cabourg Film Festival. SOURCE: Wiki
Today, I watched this movie. No, I still haven’t changed my mind about dating anytime soon… though I would be open to a blind date when the time comes. However, I thought, these two people were too scared to go find love but they found each other though separated by a wall. It was pretty odd but it was perfect in their own way. Don’t they say the movies is a reflection of real life?
Now that I am in a state of increased awareness, I’ll use that to my advantage. I’ll be more conscious of the thoughts that occupy my mind and make a more conscious decision to focus on the 10 favorite things about people or situations so I can always set the tone and keep it that way.
Grosses bises ♥ Etoile