Part Time Love Affair

I just woke up from a dream. It was somewhat bitter sweet. I was with my Frenchie vacationing at one Latin American country having fun in the sun… we were at a beach… all of a sudden he drops a bomb… a bitter-sweet bomb… he tells me that he loves me deeply and he has decided to divorce his wife and he wants me to live in Paris with him. (Oh snap!!! So in my dream he’s married!!!???) Anyway, this is the first time I’m hearing this so I was trying to process this “bomb” (that the love of my life has vowed to spend the rest of his life to someone else… for real!!!) coz even though I was aware that it was just a dream, I would never want to be that woman who would be the “home-wrecker”… and the plot thickens… they have 7 year old twins. Double ouch!!!

zarte-gef-uuml-hle-unterwasser

As the words “j’taime… i love you, ma belle princesse… “came out of his mouth I felt like I couldn’t enjoy the pleasure of that sound… it should be music to my ears but no… knowing that it would crush another woman’s heart and destroy someone’s marriage… break a family…  I was definitely having a lucid dream

I had a whole vocab of names ready to throw at him… I was so ready to lash out… call him scumbag, traitor, and many other words …. why did he wait til I have fallen deeply in love with him to tell me this. I was in too deep.

We had a decent conversation after I’ve processed what he said.  First, I tried to convince him not to divorce his wife, especially coz they have young kids and that I can’t see him anymore. Then it dawned on me to ask, it’s weird that he’d ask me to leave my life in America to live in Paris just to be his girlfriend. Granted that he was going to “divorce” his wife. He must be out of his mind to think that I would agree to that… There’s so much for me to give up.  And if it goes south what then? We’ll just break up and I’ll be in a foreign land with no friends, family and  I don’t even know the language.  Then I realized… is he just being a man or being a French man? Ugh!

So now, I’m wide awake… I’m thinking about my dream, is my “gut” trying to tell me something? Or am I just having one of my paranoid episodes. We’re on the high point of our roller coaster ride right now… do I really need to spoil it? Is this a hunch… is the “universe communicating with me?” as Oprah like to put it…  let’s find out…

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Advertisements

Of Lists & Transformations

 

I just blogged about my wishlist and I realized that I don’t make lists as often as I used to since I came back from my trip. My youngest daughter actually commented a couple of weeks ago that she can’t believe she misses her “list making mom”… LOL       I was kinda OCD before that trip. If you go to my house you’d find lists inside kitchen cupboards  or bathroom cabinets among other places, and sometimes my bedroom  walls… I make daily to do lists for my family and myself. I make list for when we go on vacations, when we go camping, when we throw a party… there’s always a reason for me to generate a list or create a spreadsheet.

Even my employees commented that I became laid back and was more relaxed and happier.  Every time someone asks me what happened I have no answer … up to now I’m still thinking coz I can’t give all the credit to my Frenchie just like how Stella got her Groove back. No way Jose! haha

Now I thought maybe I should make a list of the possible topics I should blog about as sometimes I can’t think of things to write. Call it writer’s block if you may. Then it dawned on me… What am I going to do if this ended? This blog seems to be totally dependent on my LDR with my Frenchie and I feel wishy-washy with him. Just imagine the many times I have written my goodbye emails to him and now I have a template that I have been tweaking. And that one time in January where I left a 5-minute voicemail of why I can’t do this anymore which I caved after I heard his lovely, sexy voice… ooooh la la!!!

Huh! I’m not even going to plan it… there is no past or present… there is only NOW… I’m going to enjoy it… to the fullest… embrace it… taste it and cherish it… so yeah… no lists.. no planning… for now at least…  🙂

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile