So there is a word for this? Really! I was in a Dead Bedroom for several years and I didn’t know there was a word for it. It was like being sick for a long time but it went undiagnosed, kinda sorta. Yeah, something like that. It made me feel empty, lonely, depressed. It messed me up — big time. It didn’t matter that other men desired me. What mattered was that my (ex)husband wasn’t up to it and I wasn’t going to cheat. Period!
Now let’s talk about DB… what is it actually? From a guy’s viewpoint, it’s like ‘duty-sex’ or starfish sex. It is scarce, mediocre, unenthusiastic. This is when the woman puts-out just enough to keep you around. And by keep you around. I mean you giving her comfort, validation, attention, and buying her things.
How do you know if your married sex life has hit the skids? What is the proper number of times a week anyway? Let’s start with some numbers: According to the Kinsey Institute, most married couples in America between the ages of 24-49 have sex about once a week. 26% are doing it 2-3 times per week. And then there are the mythical 3% who are doing it 4 or more times per week. God bless you, gentlemen.
But what about the 23% doing it once a month? Or those couples who haven’t had sex at all in the past year? Welcome to the frozen tundra known as “The Dead Bedroom”.
SOURCE: HOW TO SAVE A DEAD BEDROOM
My (ex)husband wasn’t all that bad. He was a nice guy but things happened. It started with the recession. His company downsized and he had to stay at home for several years like a lot of men I know because it was tough to find a job. I thought he must be feeling depressed or something. It must be a guy thing. So it started there, then he gained weight and started having health problems. He’s several years younger than myself but I’m a lot younger looking and more fit because I take care of myself. But we loved each other and stayed together despite of the dead bedroom situation.
I have always had a very strong libido. If I’m in a relationship, I’m an “everyday” kinda woman if and when I can — multiple times a day, back-to-back if possible 😉 . LOL My ex was more like a “once a week” persuasion… I was willing to compromise. And I did for a long time. But the 1-2x/week became 1-2x/ month then it became 2 months, 3 months then half a year went by. And then I stopped counting.
It was a source of constant frustration to me, and not just sexual. It was emotionally frustrating to walk around all the time throbbing at the heart and the pussy. Even my bad back barely slowed me down.
Before you call me a nympho, let me clarify. I am actually a “giver”. So it doesn’t have to be full-on sexual intercourse all the time. It can be an after shower fellatio, or just before you go to your car, on your way to work BJ. Sumthin like that. Yup! That’s me.It could be a quickie here and there if hubby feels like it, maybe in the pantry while I’m cooking.
You must think, where do I get the energy? I just think it’s important in a relationship to make sure that we make room for sex and intimacy and be clear that those two are different. If and when I want to be intimate with my hubby, I want to make sure he’s right there with me coz for me it’s a spiritual experience and if I’m there for him for sex he better be there for me when I need him. Tit for tat.
We’ve been divorced a couple of years now. We’ve been in a platonic relationship way longer than that. We’re still good. We hang out. I guess we kinda have a relationship like Channing and Jenna based on how the media portrays them now. It’s healthy. No expectations.
My kids ask me — “what do you think you’re doing?” coz they’ve seen me miserable the last few years we were together. I say, “we’re just hanging out. It’s not like we’re getting back together.”
I’m moving on…