I Love You… between the shadow and the soul…

This is something I have never experienced… I don’t think.

It must be a blessing.

I’ve heard stories of heartaches from this from my girlfriends and colleagues of all genders through the years and I can only ask…

How can you allow this to happen? This can only bring pain and suffering…



This is like a secret crush.

Like a secret lover… he just doesn’t know it… yet… haha

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Oh, thank God I don’t think I have met the “right person”… the right “f#ck buddy” maybe (will I ever find out?)… hehe  but not Mr. Right. He is trouble and I know that I should stay away from him… but maybe trouble’s just what I need right now.  So, what to do??? Proceed with caution… well, I’ll say…


An unrequited love… because he doesn’t know you exist… not in those terms… but as someone who may be a potential lover… a potential mate.

Someone who may rock his world to kingdom cum.

In short… he has no idea what he’s missing.

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Will he ever know???

Will you ever do anything about it???

or will you just love him from a distance… hiding in the shadows…

only time will tell…



Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



La Vie En Rose

I know, I know… I’m not supposed to fall in love…

I’m just a little smitten… I think.

I’m not even sure with whom. .. my heart… or maybe my mind is playing tricks on me.


It’s like my Frenchie vs. Wil (My Dirty Little Secret) all over again.

Or is it just hormones?

That’s it!


Dopamine works to control our reward and pleasure centers. Dopamine gets activated when something good happens, something that produces a pleasurable reward. The high dopamine levels in the brain during this phase of love tell us that being around our partner is synonymous with pleasure.

It’s powerful stuff: The release of this hormone in the brain of new lovers has been compared to taking cocaine!

— Chemical Romance: How Hormones Influence Sex, Love and Relationships


I mean with all the adrenaline rush from my trysts with Zohan and the constant, consistent planning with my Frenchie about our reunion in Paris in the Fall… I’m having all these mixed feelings. I can’t even explain.


Ah, la vie en rose! The French phrase literally translates to “Life in pink”. This phrase was popularized by Edith Piaf’s love song. Often translated in English as ’’wearing rose-colored glasses”, it pertains to one being idealistic or naive, thinking that life is perfect, rosy, cheerful and everything will be fine. For the romantic it could mean that they’re in love, and the world seems magical and perfect around them. A metaphorical translation could be ’’seeing the world through a magical lens” or ’’projecting your inner happiness all around you”.


Des yeux qui font baisser les miens
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche
Voilà le portrait sans retouche
De l’homme auquel j’appartiens

Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas
Je vois la vie en rose

Il me dit des mots d’amour
Des mots de tous les jours
Et ça me fait quelque chose

Il est entré dans mon cœur
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause

C’est lui pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vie
Il me l’a dit, l’a juré pour la vie

Et dès que je l’aperçois
Alors je sens en moi
Mon cœur qui bat

Hold me close and hold me fast
The magic spell you cast
This is la vie en rose

La Vie en Rose

Hold me close and hold me fast
The magic spell you cast
This is la vie en rose

When you kiss me heaven sighs
And tho I close my eyes
I see la vie en rose

When you press me to your heart
I’m in a world apart
A world where roses bloom

And when you speak… angels sing from above
Everyday words seem… to turn into love songs

Give your heart and soul to me
And life will always be
La vie en rose

Des nuits d’amour à ne plus en finir
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place
Des ennuis, des chagrins, s’effacent
Heureux, heureux à en mourir

Quand il me prend dans ses bras
Il me parle tout bas
Je vois la vie en rose

Il me dit des mots d’amour
Des mots de tous les jours
Et ça me fait quelque chose

Il est entré dans mon cœur
Une part de bonheur
Dont je connais la cause

C’est toi pour moi, moi pour toi dans la vie
Il me l’a dit, l’a juré pour la vie

Et dès que je t’aperçois
Alors je sens dans moi
Mon cœur qui bat

Il est entré dans mon cœur
Une part de bonheur
Mon cœur qui bat


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



He has big hands.

“He has big hands… ” I’ve heard that many times before. Kinda in the same context as “He has big feet…” Yes? But I’m not sure if this is backed by science…


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Well,  Zohan actually really does have “big hands” though I’m almost sure that Zohan does have a pretty decent sized member even though I haven’t seen it (yet). I’m almost sure it’s long I just don’t know if it’s thick… There are ways to know. Make your imagination work people. lol  😉

In 2002, a group of Greek researchers measured the body compositions, including height, weight, waist/hip ratio, finger length and penis length of 52 men, aged 19-38. They found that age and body characteristics were not associated with size of penis except for the “index finger length, which correlated significantly with the dimensions of the flaccid, maximally stretched penis.” Another study—this one with 1500 men—found that length of index finger was significantly correlated with penis dimensions.    (SOURCEBig Hands. Big Feet. Big Penis? Determining Penis Size )


… and if you allow your mind to get out of the gutter for a second then I’ll be able to explain what my point is in this post. I’m actually talking about his actual hands guys. Sorry to disappoint. lol


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I’ve never been touched by a man with such big hands. It feels a little awkward at times like when he holds my arms, I feel he could crush me but at the same time he’s so gentle I feel so powerless like he could just take me and it’s so sensual in a way. I never thought of it this way until I actually experienced it.



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So yeah, it’s just interesting.  I’ve never gone out with a man so tall who made me feel so tiny and vulnerable that it just made me feel so helpless and it actually is pretty exciting… sensual… hot!

I actually cannot wait to see how this turns out. hmmmm


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile




I didn’t know what MILF meant before I heard it about maybe 20 sumthin’ years ago. Yeah, I’m that young. LOL  😉  When I found out the meaning of it then, I didn’t know what to think. I guess it seemed derogatory and objectified women.

I’m still getting called that now and for some reason, I still don’t know what to think. As much as I feel strongly about feminism, I’m kinda on the fence about those labels.

Anyways, remember Zohan? That guy I used to date… my summer fling… Anyway,  since Zohan and I got close, (even before we started dating) he’s been telling me how many guys in his department has the “hots” for me… in fact, not just his department, he tells me when he hears some of the guys at our organization talk about me. I already know that there are a few men who like me at work, half of them probably just wanna get in my panties… haha  He’s a talker though, I don’t believe half the stuff he says.



One night, I showed up at work wearing this long sleeved, figure hugging, above the knee dress and a pair of black knee-high boots. It wasn’t showing any cleavage but it did emphasize by front bumpers and derriere.  Then we had this conversation…

Zohan: You look nice.
Moi: Thanks!
Zohan: What’s going on? You look a little, idk… irritated?
Moi: I’m just avoiding some haters.
Zohan: Oh, yeah, I heard them talking about you as I walked by my department
Moi: Uh huh…
Zohan: But they’re not the only ones… The guys have been talking about how hot you are tonight.
Moi: Tell me something I don’t already know… haha   just kidding… (wink, wink)
Zohan: hahaha
Moi: So what are you thinking in that big head of yours?
Zohan: They wish they were me.
Moi: Ugh! You are  sooo cocky!
Zohan: (gets quiet) No, seriously… I’m thinking,  how did I get to be so lucky?
Moi: Lucky? Are you, now? I haven’t decided if you’re gonna get lucky, yet… haha (winks and leaves)



I don’t care much for labels… but knowing that men desire you.

Men half your age, young enough to be your son, fantasize about sleeping with you? (Check out My New OoMA and Does your Mother Know? ) — {I’m in my 40’s but most think I’m in my early 30’s… so I have this “don’t ask, don’t tell policy”… haha}

Hey, that’s something of an ego boost. Isn’t it?

These are grown men we’re talking about here.

It’s not like I’m going to do anything about it though… but, Wow!!!

I can dream, can’t I? LOL 😉




Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile




First Kiss

I’m really not a first date kisser but I haven’t been kissed in a while so I’ve been excited and looking forward to that first kiss. So I wanted to get to our third date pretty quick.

Fast forward to the third date. He still hasn’t kissed me. Let me tell you. I actually had issues with Zohan. His lips seemed dry, they didn’t really look kissable. Not to me at least. Crooked teeth (it’s an understatement)… and his breath is, how do I put it, well, it’s really not sweet smelling. I mean it’s not so bad that I wouldn’t want to kiss him but I always have a mint or gum in my mouth coz I’m pretty self-conscious about my oral hygiene and I brush my teeth quite frequently. I have a nice set of teeth. I visit the dentist regularly. What can I say, that’s the first thing I notice about a guy. I love a clean mouth. It excites me and I know that it’s my asset, too. I have thick full lips and besides an almost parfait set of pearly whites, it’s been said in the past that I’m a pretty good kisser so I wanted to give him a preview of that. But I’m not one to initiate. So yeah, kissing him wasn’t so appealing to me if it were not for him being kinda hot.



At this point, I was already getting irritated…. frustrated… antsy… Is this guy going to kiss me? I had to ask. So I did.

Moi: I’m just curious.
Zohan: Curiosity killed the cat.
Moi: Ugh! Why haven’t you kissed me yet? You keep saying you love my lips and all but you haven’t even tried anything.
Zohan: Well, kissing to me is very intimate and you said you’re not “ready” yet. I feel that once I start kissing you I might not be able to stop and you might think I’m disrespecting you.

I don’t really know if I should call it BS but this is really weird coming from someone who has mentioned to me at least a couple of times how much he’s fantasized about my lips.


Wow! If you’re kissing your date and it makes you think about your first kiss with your ex, take it as a sign… not good… not good at all…



So he finally kisses me…

Um, ok. Why did he stop? abruptly, too… He says, he can’t go on coz I’m not ready and y’know he’s gonna get worked up and he’ll have a hard time stopping and one thing will lead to another. yada yada yada. Another BS!

The weirdest thing though is that I didn’t give much f*ck about that.

While his lips were moving saying all that crap, my mind was flying. I was having all these thoughts. What, no fireworks?! It brought me back to the first time my ex-husband kissed me at a parking lot in the OC mall. It was earth shattering. The fireworks in Disneyland or any 4th of July you can name can’t even compare. I’m serious. He was an excellent kisser. So here I am with another man who is tall, dark, cute and that I cannot even physically compare with my ex-husband but my thoughts are with him. I have no doubt this guy can rock my world. He gave me a little taste already and he says he’s a pleaser which my ex wasn’t much into. So what’s going on?

Maybe we should try it again… the second kiss better be good!


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



France: Paris in a day – How to get the most out of 12 hours in the City of Lights!

This post will come in handy in the Fall. 🙂
I’ll be staying in Paris for4 days but I’m going to the outskirts the other days. I plan to spend one whole day and all of those 4 nights getting acquainted with my most favourite city in the world.

Paris 0000001303

Check these 2 posts by this lady, too.

France: Paris in a day – The classic itinerary  

France: Paris in a day – The alternative itinerary


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

the good, the fab & the lovely


I have been to Paris many times. It’s one of my favourite cities and I am lucky enough to live close enough to be able to visit the city of lights in just one day if I want to, even though I prefer to stay longer of course!

This post is part 1 of 3 travelposts about spending a daytrip in Paris. So for all you Paris-lovers out there (and I know there are many)… stay tuned these coming weeks!

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You Attract What You Fear

I was just having a conversation with a girl friend tonight when it dawned on me.  I have been acting all paranoid about Zohan from the start because I was too scared of being played that if you think about it, it doesn’t make sense that I’ve been talking and preaching about this “The Secret” mumbo jumbo and not practicing what I preach.



It just dawned on me that if I do not stop this cycle of being paranoid and actually thinking these negative thoughts about Zohan whether my gut is telling me or not I’ll be attracting it more… pulling it towards me.


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But then again… am I supposed to ignore this feeling I have in my gut? I sense that the Universe is trying to warn me. But at the same time I’m confused if it is the Universe or if it just me being paranoid. How do I know the difference?

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Bottomline, knowing that we attract what we think, fear or otherwise. It just makes sense to zoom in on the positive and actually focus our energy on those that we wish to manifest in our lives.


LOA e1fc74b9e066c2b8bafd80e5bdf9b793


And learn to trust your gut.

You are a woman…

you are powerful…

you are intuitive.

use it to your advantage.






Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



Philippe Petit Reflects on a Lifetime of Fear

Good read…



Fear is as much of a medium for Philippe Petit as is balance, poise, and control in his high wire act. In his death-defying walks across the Grand Canyon and between the World Trade Center towers, Petit bent fear to his will. At Lapham’s Quarterly, Petit reflects on what a lifetime of fear has meant to his art, and how he has faced fear on the wire and off.

Before my high-wire walk across the Seine to the second story of the Eiffel Tower, the seven-hundred-yard-long inclined cable looked so steep, the shadow of fear so real, I worried. Had there been an error in rigging calculations? No. I had just forgotten how high were my expectations, how mad I was to have conceived such a project. On the spot I vanquished my anxiety by imagining the best outcome: my victorious last step above a cheering crowd of 250,000.

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Second Chances


I broke it off rather abruptly with Zohan. Not that we were in a relationship but I just thought that it would be too complicated to pursue this thingamajig if it went really bad considering our situation and that we bump into each a little too often than I’d like. Plus he can’t seem to behave himself whenever he sees me which complicates it more.

I decided to just text him. I explained that I was afraid that he might persuade me to change my mind which he usually does. I told him that when I asked him for a favor and that I was going to tell him when we saw each other, it was about leaving me alone and giving me space but that now I couldn’t face him and I’d rather do it via text.



He called the following day. We talked. I explained it to him and he listened. He let me talk and talk and talk without interrupting then he said his piece… very short. And he apologized though he says they were valid reasons and it wasn’t fair to call him a flake. He also says he doesn’t appreciate that I make him feel that he’s wasting my time.



Then I said, “So it’s settled, we won’t see each other again.”

He says “Okay.”  Two things go through my head. That was easy. I was hoping that he won’t give up so easily but at the same time I was glad coz I really needed to move on already. I spent the weekend trying to get over him.

But he wasn’t finished. “Is that what you want?”  I say “Yes. So you won’t see me anymore?“.

He says, “I didn’t say that. You can do what you wanna do, I’ll still be seeing you.

Me: Ummm… What, now???


I think you know how it ended…



You can just read it in the next blog posts… lol


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile