Kissing in Paris

Ooooh la la! That kiss… it haunts me.

It has been over a month… exactly 40 days since our lips locked. Now I can say that I’ve actually been French kissed… literally… haha

It makes me wonder if all Frenchmen kiss that passionately… I know it sounds like a stupid stereotype but isn’t it one of their trademarks? haha

 

parislove9801.gif

It was really good but I’m starting to forget how great it was.

It was one of the best kisses I’ve ever had.

I didn’t get enough. It was dumb of me to have an accidental bf just before I flew to Paris. Shame on me for kissing him. But more shame on me for feeling so guilty when in fact it wasn’t a real relationship and I ended up feeling guilty anyway.

And now, I regret not being able to enjoy the romantic moment with him that I’ve been fantasizing about for 2 years… coz of a stupid, impulsive decision on my part to say “yes” to a guy who has no idea what being “exclusive” means.

 

And now I feel I’ve lost that chance.

 

 

 

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Breadcrumbing… is this the latest dating fuckery?

I’ve never heard of breadcrumbing until recently. Then it dawned on me that I’ve been a victim target and I wasn’t aware that was such a thing. Apparently, it’s also called “Hansel & Gretelling”, i.e., when one gives another just enough attention to keep their hope of a “relationship” alive. This is the most frustrating thing ever. It’s so confusing.

Thank God I have no patience for flakiness or I would’ve been victimized by these breadcrumbers. That would’ve been a waste of my precious time. Ugh! 🙄

Breadcrumbing’ is “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages to members of the opposite sex in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort.” — Urban DictionaryAnd, while the act itself is just as awful as “ghosting”, I’d rather be ghosted and be able to move on than be lead on. The act of ghosting is rude, immature and cowardly but breadcrumbing is deceitful, malicious and just downright evil if you ask me.

Breadcrumbing is more insidious than it initially appears, it’s more like “gaslighting” where one starts questioning their sanity and think they’re going crazy after they’ve been manipulated. You end up second-guessing yourself — was there something there or did my mind just play tricks on me?

It’s interesting how this new era of dating has evolved into this. It’s so hard to trust people nowadays coz you don’t ever know which one will play you, or ghost you or bench you or breadcrumb you.

 

You cannot judge a book by its cover. The nicer the guy, the easier to fall, the harder it is to believe that you’ve been duped. All you will do is blame yourself… but don’t… don’t let these losers change you and make you hard.

Don’t lose faith in humanity.

There are still good people out there.

Just proceed with caution.

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Oh, mon Dieu!!! Oui! Oui! Oui!

 

“Omg!!! Tonight is the night!”, I thought to myself.

Yes, it is!

I am finally back in Paris…

 

sex-tonight-ngg19-copy

My Frenchie actually came to pick me up from my hotel… Oui!!! Oui!!!

Two long years we have waited to see each other.

Those times we talked about the things we wanted to do with each other… starting with that very long passionate kiss… oui!!!

I cannot believe this is actually happening.

then my phone rang…

he says he’s waiting downstairs outside the hotel.

I say I’m on my way down…

I hurry… I couldn’t run any faster…

I come out…

He was just standing there…

it is him…

in the flesh!

waiting…

with a very big smile…

I stop just past the steps…

he walks up to me…

he says, in his very sexy French accent, “first, that kiss I have been dreaming about… as promised… really big…yes?”

We both laughed then he kissed me… very passionately… and embraced me like he had not planned to ever let me go.

I do not know how long that kiss lasted. We were in the middle of the street of Montmartre in the middle of the night not caring that there were other French people walking by. It was like time stood still.

He held my hand and lead me towards Sacré-Cœur we walked around and talked. We tried to play catch up then he asked about what our plans were while I was in Paris.

Then I had to tell him what I couldn’t over the phone…

“I’m seeing someone now. Plans have changed. Those dreams and fantasies will have to remain just that… dreams and fantasies.”

I can see the pain in his eyes… it wasn’t easy for me either. But I did tell him from the start that I don’t do LDR’s anyway… him and I can never be.

I said, I just wanted to tell him in person. Sure, I had to fly to Paris for this?

I don’t know what I wanted him to do or say… as usual, he says “I understand”.

He holds me in his arms again but he doesn’t say anything. He looks into my eyes… kisses my forehead then he smiles.

We don’t talk… we just sat at the steps of Sacré-Cœur enjoying the view of the beautiful city of Paris. He held my head so I can lean on his chest as if to listen to his heart beat.

I don’t know how long we were there for… I didn’t want it to end. But then it started to drizzle… we looked at each other and knew it was time to get back. It was like the sky was also sharing our sadness.

We walked back to the hotel not saying anything to each other…

there was nothing left  to say.

As we got to the steps of my hotel, he kisses me again… almost like he did the first time but not quite.

It didn’t seem to me like that was going to be our last kiss.

Then he gives me a tight embrace and says… “Bonne chance ma belle princess.”

He steps back and stares at me… as if to memorize my face…

then turns around and walks away… 😢

 

shock-jess-new-girl

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

PS

The gifs on here were in anticipation of what was to happen when we finally saw each other in Paris. I had not planned to be with anyone till after our tryst. But I guess fate has a funny way of playing with your heart. haha

Now that I’m with someone, it’s a major game changer for me. I tried to be just focused on my Frenchie now it will be different.

 

 

September

It’s September again. How time flies. Two years ago around this time, something happened that will change my life forever.

september-6336b23db2001e473826e21e5d85681b

When I heard this song I thought that this could be one of our songs. My Frenchie and I met around that week, it was a cloudy day. In fact, it rained which is how we met. Quite serendipitous!

If the universe had nothing to do with our paths crossing then I’ll be darned! LOL   😉

Anyway, I can’t contain my excitement!!!. I’ll be back next month in the same sweet spot where we met that one fateful night.

I still haven’t decided if we should meet up. We have been making plans though and I really don’t want to stand him up. It’s just that I’ve been so crazy about him I don’t know if it’s a good idea. Plus I’m seeing someone right now. I haven’t really committed yet coz at the back of my mind I know that I have to see my Frenchie. And If I had a bf that would be cheating so, no. I’m still pretty much single and available though this seems getting a little serious at this point. Idk, I’ll write about it at some point.

Anyway, I actually left him a message last month saying that I might not be able to see him in Paris after all cause my sched is pretty hectic. That was an attempt to dodge him. But he won’t take no for an answer. He says I refused to let him visit me here in the US and made him wait 2 years so it’s just fair. LoL

I told him I’ll call him as soon as I get to Paris.

I will.

The “coffee” is still on for now — 70/30 at least 😉

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Tinder and Online Dating

My daughter had been bugging me to create a Tinder account since last year. I told her I didn’t care for that. She says, “Mom, it’s fun! You should check it out!” Well, I got a new phone and before I could set up the lock code she made an account from me and started swiping. Surprise! Surprise! I get these messages (notifications) from these hot, ripped, young(er) men and I had to ask… what the hell was going on?

I was hoping for men closer to my age if I were to start dating again. I didn’t really think I’d want to go out again for a while after the thing with Z went South… plus I’m still (probably) going to meet up with My Frenchie over coffee  😉 in Paris next month.

It’s next month already!?!?! Wow! How time flies.

<

Anyway, I used this app for a month and dated a handful of guys just to get my feet wet in the dating scene.

These French firemen 🔥🔥🔥 will make women want to commit arson. LoL 😜 Omg! I didn’t realize that it’s actually raining men out there. Where have I been? I must’ve been hiding under a rock… literally. 🙄

Now I realized that the odds are on my side even though there are still men out there who haven’t outgrown their shady $hit and some mind games. I’m still feeling optimistic that it’s not that hard to find love for women my age. I have a strong feeling I’ll be able to find my King 👑 in no time.

Keeping my fingers crossed. 🤞

Grosses bisses ❤️ Etoile

My Almost Lover… Adieu…

 

I started this “thingamajig” with Zohan knowing that it wasn’t going to last. I didn’t have any unrealistic expectations. I accepted that I was going to play second fiddle to his kids and I thought I’ll see how long I could take it. I wasn’t being pessimistic, I was just being realistic and rational.

I knew it was going to hurt but I took the leap of faith and just rolled with it. It was fun while it lasted. I was happy for a short while.

 

Adieu (Ah d’yew)  Use this rather somber goodbye word only when you know you will never see the person again. Literally, it means “until God,” which gives you a strong clue as to the sense of finality it imparts.

But then, it wasn’t my issue. I was having this feeling in my gut that was getting heavier and heavier. He didn’t like it whenever I tell him to stop acting shady. It started as a joke. But he does act like it. I had a strong feeling that he was lying about something and he was using his kids as an alibi. And the whole time I just really loved how he was such a devoted dad. How gullible was I?!?!?!

sense-6358624221413003182070582354_no-make-sense

One day,  Suddenly everything made so much sense, I realized that I had my blinders on the whole time coz I liked him so much. It happens, y’know. I do not need proof. I know he’s not my boyfriend. I did say I’m not ready for a relationship. I have no right to ask but I want peace of mind and I’m losing it. I’m starting to have a bad taste in my mouth so what’s the point of this? I know we didn’t have an agreement that we were going to be exclusive and technically, we haven’t had sex so if he’s having it somewhere else and he’s not my boyfriend then what does that make us? Am I being unreasonable?

 

Today I decided that I’m going to stop this craziness… I don’t know how. It’ll be tough coz I ump into him from time to time and it gets awkward whenever it happens…  I already have a script in my head in case he confronts me.

I have been asking you to leave me alone and you won’t. This is the last time I will ask you but it doesn’t really matter coz it’s up to me. I get to decide. I’m done. I do not know the woman in that car the other night… that wasn’t me. I don’t act that way and I don’t allow people to treat me like shit. And I definitely do not know that man I was with. He wasn’t the one I fell for coz I would never fall for anyone who would disrespect me like that. We both agreed about one thing, we just want the fun, no drama. So, I’m moving on and I’m not looking back. 

We had a fight the other night but we made up. However, I decided yesterday that I really want out. I don’t want this negative energy looming over my head. He texted and called me several times over the course of the day… and as much as I was hurting,  it brought a smile to my face knowing that he was thinking about me. Stupid, stupid heart!!!

 

I do not need this BS in my life. I do not need to be with a man who cannot make me feel secure. I never had to worry about this shit with my ex-husband. And here I am with the first guy I dated right off? Just my luck! Ugh! Doesn’t that tell you something?

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

 

Wrapping it up with Good Vibes

I invited Zohan to lunch. He has no idea that my intention is for this to be this to be our last date. No expectations. Just pure unadulterated fun. I’ll pick up the tab. I’ll drive. I’ll wrap it up with whatever good taste that’s left in my mouth.

18646549_1835602406763288_4436913508411506688_n

I have been getting messages from the Universe that started as a whisper but seems to be getting louder and louder. Now, I really couldn’t ignore it. I can feel it in my gut like a pull getting stronger and stronger and I sometimes feel physically sick.

 

Good vibes GOOD FOR SOUL a27391d07cffa0f342fcf91c232d9c45.jpg

 

I told him that I had something to say and I wish he’d let me finish before he said anything. He nodded.

I said sorry for being mean and for acting disrespectful towards him and I thanked him for still being nice and never disrespecting me in spite of it coz he could have. I actually liked him more now because of that. I explained to him that I didn’t know how to handle how I felt and I was too scared to fall for him… and because I asked him many times to back off and he wasn’t listening, I thought being mean would be the answer but it still didn’t work so I gave up. I also said that I felt that he was too intense and I couldn’t think straight. It was affecting my work and it definitely had affected my school. I just needed space but he wasn’t giving that to me. I told him that I noticed and appreciate that he backed off this past couple of weeks and it helped me concentrate on school and work.

He just listened the whole time. I remember that this is one of the things I liked about him in the beginning. He was a great listener and he has a way of making you feel safe and secure.

Then he says, “I want to thank you for saying all that. It’s really big of you to apologize and admit you’re wrong sometimes. I like that.

 

And this is where I move on… I think…

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

 

 

 

I’m such an idiot! lol

I was going through my draft folder and I found this break up meme from Game of Thrones. I thought it was funny so I saved it on my phone.

 

This is probably the lamest way to break up with someone. I sent this to Wil (My Dirty Little Secret) by accident last year when we were still kinda seeing each other.  I wanted out coz he was getting so annoying and controlling but I wasn’t sure coz I really liked him.

 

Screenshot_2016-09-03-19-29-43-1.png

 

So I was freaking out coz he was getting really mad at me. I had to get an SOS from my youngest daughter on how I can redeem myself. I didn’t really want it to end this way. It was pretty bitchy and heartless. I believe in Karma y’know.

So I found this.

breakup-list-of-excuses

 

Anyways, if in case you’re the one being served. Just know that if the jerk tries to use any of these lines on you. Just save your dignity and say “Good riddance! Hasta la vista baby!” Believe me, you’re doing yourself a huge favor.

 

BREAK UP 02b55be6b3616573d41bf18c9a8e319e

 

Oh, BTW, that’s not the worst part. I was telling the story to my friend a week after and I was trying to show it to her and guess what, I accidentally re-sent it to him again. ugh! FML!!!

 

Break up text 42896c5b8db3fd6a9e9c71f4be742661

 

Talk about being subtle… LOL

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

 

Making Out in the Streets of Paris in broad Daylight

Okay. Technically, we weren’t really making out physically or literally… it was more like cyber- making out. Yup! My Frenchie called me today! Yay!

and I was just fantasizing about him a few days ago (My Ecstasy… my real life Fantasy).

We started with talking about how we’ve missed each other so much…

then talked about how excited we are about our impending tryst in Paris in the fall…

and eventually, one of us was half  “nekked”  😉  in broad daylight… well, it wasn’t broad daylight actually… it was more like twilight in Paris… 9-ish… it’s still pretty bright.

 

 

French Kiss tumblr_nvx2t1NFzc1r3tiuvo1_500.gif

 

 

We talked about other things, too… but we got “distracted”… lol 😉

and we eventually started talking about our plans for our Fall tryst in Paris which I’ll blog about in another post.

Gosh! I am so looking forward to finally dating my Frenchie…

and maybe f*cking his brains out at long last… or maybe it’ll be the other way around… haha

Oh yeah… we were just gonna meet for coffee, right? right, right… 😉

I found this interesting article, How to Date a French Man, … go check it out. I hope it’s not outdated… lol  

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

 

My Ecstasy… my real life Fantasy

Two words…

My Frenchie…

 

My Frenchie is my ecstasy… my real life fantasy…

from 5000+ miles away, believe it or not, he manages to rock my world… for real!!!

 

When I heard this song a couple of years ago a few weeks after I got back from Paris, I knew this would be a perfect song for my Frenchie. He took over my mind. I couldn’t think of anything else. I was smitten… infatuated… obsessed if you may.

 

And every time I hear this song, it teleports me to his apartment in Paris.

 

Have you ever noticed,
That I’m not acting as I used to do before?
Have you ever wondered,
Why I always keep on coming back for more?

What have you done to me???
I’ll never be the same I’ll tell you for sure

You really are my ecstasy… My real life fantasy… 

 

I felt like a teenager all over again… it was like a breath of fresh air… in the beginning.

but then it started to affect my life… my school… my productivity…

 

Everything in moderation is great! Moderation is the magic word…

I had to work towards it… gain back control.

 

ecstasy download

 

and I did… eventually.

 

My Frenchie is still my ecstasy… my real life fantasy.

and in a few months hopefully, it will be more than just that…

 

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile