Oral Fixation

First, let me tell you that in my culture, we don’t really talk about sex. It’s kinda taboo topic. Especially if you’re a woman, lest you have no qualms on being called a slut or a skank.



Fellatio (Discovery) [800x600]


I take great lengths to give pleasure. I’m a giver. I get really excited when I know that I’m rocking my man’s world. Call it ego but that’s my thing. I don’t really expect anything in return, however, if I feel that my partner is a taker or is not willing to reciprocate even if I don’t even want him to do anything for me (since most of the time I usually am the one giving), I get easily turned off. This is one of the things that broke my past relationship.


When a man receives fellatio he’s generally extremely grateful. If a woman swallows his semen, he looks at it as a huge honor. Don’t ask me why because no man could really explain it. If you can learn to truly enjoy the whole process, you’ll have an unbelievably happy man on your hands. Remember, number one, enthusiasm.  

The best way that his penis fits into your mouth is if you sit between his legs and lean over him. This also allows him a good view. Most men find watching adds a lot of pleasure to what you’re doing. It’s not about whether you’re doing it right, he just likes the visual stimulation.

No matter what you’re doing, except grimacing, he’s going to love watching you. If you can show that you’re really enjoying pleasuring him, he’ll be even more excited. So let him know you’re enjoying it as much as he is. Make noises, look at him with passionate eyes, and treat his penis as if it’s the most important thing in the world. To him, at this moment, it is.

Look at him once in a while. That can really turn him on. Men like to watch and it’s exciting to let him know you like him watching too. Swirl your tongue around the head of his penis, the most sensitive part. Kiss it. Go back to moving in and out. Keep varying what you’re doing, but don’t jump from one thing to another too quickly either–just long enough to where you leave him wanting more.

Allow him to lead. After he’s come, you can slide him inside of you while he’s still hard, which won’t usually last very long. The main thing is to be intuitive about what he’s liking and wanting. Ask him to guide you, to tell you exactly what he likes. If you let him know you really want to please him, he’ll be happy to oblige with specific instructions. Keep the communication sexy, not clinical. Sometimes just saying “Tell me what you want,” is enough to get his input. Each man is individual.

Keep in mind: If he’s not willing to pleasure you with his mouth, you shouldn’t be expected to pleasure him, unless you just like doing it. 

(Source:  How To Give A PERFECT Blow Job (Even If You Hate Doing It)


I am a very “oral” person… I don’t think I have ever talked about this in the past. Or maybe I have mentioned that there was a time my friends called me “Queen of the Nasty” as an inside joke coz of my Oral Fixation or maybe coz I’m just naturally good at “it”.  Not to sound cocky (pun intended. lol 😜 ) After hearing some exes brag about me (and how sorry they were that I dumped their a$$. LoL) and something like this to their guy friends. And you know guys talk, word spread and then hey, you get tagged. What’s a girl gotta do? haha



It pays to know your anatomy, y’know… lol 😉



I found this interesting article that  … 11 Ridiculously Hot Oral Sex Positions You NEED To Try … Y’know, I’m always on the lookout for stuff to spice it up. yeah! 😘


“Psychoanalysts basically believe that if clitoral orgasm is the only way to get sexual emancipation, then this indicates personal immaturity.”   —    Alexander Lowen “Love & orgasm”

I really enjoy giving a good “lip service”… and the more pleasure I give my partner, the more enjoyable the experience is for me. I also am a little OCD. I believe that how you do anything is how you do everything so being a perfectionist, I like to do research and I like reading, checking out new trends and also getting a feel of what makes my partner tick.

Just recently a good friend of mine shared the joys of prostate milking. He went to one of those massage parlors, one of his guilty pleasures unbeknownst to his wife. He says he’s never experienced it before and he got blindsided. He initially felt violated but the pleasure was so strong. He swears he’s never had that kind of intense experience before.

Prostate milking is when a partner inserts a finger in a male’s anus and gently massages or stimulates the prostate while performing fellatio or a hand job. Apparently, this act not only intensifies a man’s pleasure but if performed regularly could decrease his risk of getting prostate cancer.

This piqued my curiosity. If only I would have a willing partner who would be open to intense pleasure… possible, explore the possibility of a male multiple orgasm with me. However, some guys are so homophobic that they can’t be open minded to something like this. Ugh! So frustrating.

Well, I still have some tricks up my sleeves that can blow my man’s mind without having to do prostate milking. There must be a less frightening term for it though. Can you imagine trying to propose this to your man — “Bebe, may I milk your prostate for intense pleasure?”

Ouch! That sounds like that would hurt… haha I’m sure soon enough someone’s going to coin a sexier term for it.


 But I haven’t given up on that. I’ll do some research and who knows I might luck out and find someone to experiment on. One thing’s for sure, I will share the fun with you here. 😁

Blowjob Gorilla

And with that… I’m omw to make my Frenchie a happy man tonight… he’ll have to brace himself for a chevauchée sauvage… 😋😋😋


Also, before you leave, check out this article, “What Men REALLY Think When You’re Giving Him A Blow Job”, by “The Blowjob Instructor” Jack Hutson.


I tell ya, I take this very seriously…  😉


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile




Kissing in Paris

Ooooh la la! That kiss… it haunts me.

It has been over a month… exactly 40 days since our lips locked. Now I can say that I’ve actually been French kissed… literally… haha

It makes me wonder if all Frenchmen kiss that passionately… I know it sounds like a stupid stereotype but isn’t it one of their trademarks? haha



It was really good but I’m starting to forget how great it was.

It was one of the best kisses I’ve ever had.

I didn’t get enough. It was dumb of me to have an accidental bf just before I flew to Paris. Shame on me for kissing him. But more shame on me for feeling so guilty when in fact it wasn’t a real relationship and I ended up feeling guilty anyway.

And now, I regret not being able to enjoy the romantic moment with him that I’ve been fantasizing about for 2 years… coz of a stupid, impulsive decision on my part to say “yes” to a guy who has no idea what being “exclusive” means.


And now I feel I’ve lost that chance.





Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Breadcrumbing… is this the latest dating fuckery?

I’ve never heard of breadcrumbing until recently. Then it dawned on me that I’ve been a victim target and I wasn’t aware that was such a thing. Apparently, it’s also called “Hansel & Gretelling”, i.e., when one gives another just enough attention to keep their hope of a “relationship” alive. This is the most frustrating thing ever. It’s so confusing.

Thank God I have no patience for flakiness or I would’ve been victimized by these breadcrumbers. That would’ve been a waste of my precious time. Ugh! 🙄

Breadcrumbing’ is “the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages to members of the opposite sex in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort.” — Urban DictionaryAnd, while the act itself is just as awful as “ghosting”, I’d rather be ghosted and be able to move on than be lead on. The act of ghosting is rude, immature and cowardly but breadcrumbing is deceitful, malicious and just downright evil if you ask me.

Breadcrumbing is more insidious than it initially appears, it’s more like “gaslighting” where one starts questioning their sanity and think they’re going crazy after they’ve been manipulated. You end up second-guessing yourself — was there something there or did my mind just play tricks on me?

It’s interesting how this new era of dating has evolved into this. It’s so hard to trust people nowadays coz you don’t ever know which one will play you, or ghost you or bench you or breadcrumb you.


You cannot judge a book by its cover. The nicer the guy, the easier to fall, the harder it is to believe that you’ve been duped. All you will do is blame yourself… but don’t… don’t let these losers change you and make you hard.

Don’t lose faith in humanity.

There are still good people out there.

Just proceed with caution.

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Two years already?!?!?


I got this message on my iPhone and I was blown away.

How time flies.

Two years already… really?!?!?!


I still remember vividly the years I spent trying to muster the courage to blog.

And the time I was so excited about my Frenchie that I felt unstoppable! So passionate about life… about LOVE! about writing and sharing my adventures and misadventures (if any).



Anyway, two years and counting…  Wow!

Looking back, I can’t even begin to tell you how colorful my life has been the last couple of years. Don’t get me wrong… it hasn’t all been pink and red and all pastel and rainbow colors but I appreciate all the colors of the spectrum that life has brought me. It has made me a stronger and better person. It is a part of how I have been evolving and I embrace it wholeheartedly. I am so grateful for all the experiences that the Universe has brought my way.



Thank you, Universe.

Thanks to everyone who has supported me in my journey and I hope to

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Oh, mon Dieu!!! Oui! Oui! Oui!


“Omg!!! Tonight is the night!”, I thought to myself.

Yes, it is!

I am finally back in Paris…



My Frenchie actually came to pick me up from my hotel… Oui!!! Oui!!!

Two long years we have waited to see each other.

Those times we talked about the things we wanted to do with each other… starting with that very long passionate kiss… oui!!!

I cannot believe this is actually happening.

then my phone rang…

he says he’s waiting downstairs outside the hotel.

I say I’m on my way down…

I hurry… I couldn’t run any faster…

I come out…

He was just standing there…

it is him…

in the flesh!


with a very big smile…

I stop just past the steps…

he walks up to me…

he says, in his very sexy French accent, “first, that kiss I have been dreaming about… as promised… really big…yes?”

We both laughed then he kissed me… very passionately… and embraced me like he had not planned to ever let me go.

I do not know how long that kiss lasted. We were in the middle of the street of Montmartre in the middle of the night not caring that there were other French people walking by. It was like time stood still.

He held my hand and lead me towards Sacré-Cœur we walked around and talked. We tried to play catch up then he asked about what our plans were while I was in Paris.

Then I had to tell him what I couldn’t over the phone…

“I’m seeing someone now. Plans have changed. Those dreams and fantasies will have to remain just that… dreams and fantasies.”

I can see the pain in his eyes… it wasn’t easy for me either. But I did tell him from the start that I don’t do LDR’s anyway… him and I can never be.

I said, I just wanted to tell him in person. Sure, I had to fly to Paris for this?

I don’t know what I wanted him to do or say… as usual, he says “I understand”.

He holds me in his arms again but he doesn’t say anything. He looks into my eyes… kisses my forehead then he smiles.

We don’t talk… we just sat at the steps of Sacré-Cœur enjoying the view of the beautiful city of Paris. He held my head so I can lean on his chest as if to listen to his heart beat.

I don’t know how long we were there for… I didn’t want it to end. But then it started to drizzle… we looked at each other and knew it was time to get back. It was like the sky was also sharing our sadness.

We walked back to the hotel not saying anything to each other…

there was nothing left  to say.

As we got to the steps of my hotel, he kisses me again… almost like he did the first time but not quite.

It didn’t seem to me like that was going to be our last kiss.

Then he gives me a tight embrace and says… “Bonne chance ma belle princess.”

He steps back and stares at me… as if to memorize my face…

then turns around and walks away… 😢




Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



The gifs on here were in anticipation of what was to happen when we finally saw each other in Paris. I had not planned to be with anyone till after our tryst. But I guess fate has a funny way of playing with your heart. haha

Now that I’m with someone, it’s a major game changer for me. I tried to be just focused on my Frenchie now it will be different.




It’s September again. How time flies. Two years ago around this time, something happened that will change my life forever.


When I heard this song I thought that this could be one of our songs. My Frenchie and I met around that week, it was a cloudy day. In fact, it rained which is how we met. Quite serendipitous!

If the universe had nothing to do with our paths crossing then I’ll be darned! LOL   😉

Anyway, I can’t contain my excitement!!!. I’ll be back next month in the same sweet spot where we met that one fateful night.

I still haven’t decided if we should meet up. We have been making plans though and I really don’t want to stand him up. It’s just that I’ve been so crazy about him I don’t know if it’s a good idea. Plus I’m seeing someone right now. I haven’t really committed yet coz at the back of my mind I know that I have to see my Frenchie. And If I had a bf that would be cheating so, no. I’m still pretty much single and available though this seems getting a little serious at this point. Idk, I’ll write about it at some point.

Anyway, I actually left him a message last month saying that I might not be able to see him in Paris after all cause my sched is pretty hectic. That was an attempt to dodge him. But he won’t take no for an answer. He says I refused to let him visit me here in the US and made him wait 2 years so it’s just fair. LoL

I told him I’ll call him as soon as I get to Paris.

I will.

The “coffee” is still on for now — 70/30 at least 😉

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile

Tinder and Online Dating

My daughter had been bugging me to create a Tinder account since last year. I told her I didn’t care for that. She says, “Mom, it’s fun! You should check it out!” Well, I got a new phone and before I could set up the lock code she made an account from me and started swiping. Surprise! Surprise! I get these messages (notifications) from these hot, ripped, young(er) men and I had to ask… what the hell was going on?

I was hoping for men closer to my age if I were to start dating again. I didn’t really think I’d want to go out again for a while after the thing with Z went South… plus I’m still (probably) going to meet up with My Frenchie over coffee  😉 in Paris next month.

It’s next month already!?!?! Wow! How time flies.


Anyway, I used this app for a month and dated a handful of guys just to get my feet wet in the dating scene.

These French firemen 🔥🔥🔥 will make women want to commit arson. LoL 😜 Omg! I didn’t realize that it’s actually raining men out there. Where have I been? I must’ve been hiding under a rock… literally. 🙄

Now I realized that the odds are on my side even though there are still men out there who haven’t outgrown their shady $hit and some mind games. I’m still feeling optimistic that it’s not that hard to find love for women my age. I have a strong feeling I’ll be able to find my King 👑 in no time.

Keeping my fingers crossed. 🤞

Grosses bisses ❤️ Etoile


I don’t know why but this word just crossed my mind… it seemed like the right word to describe Z (my Spring Fling).

I have been thinking about WTH was going on with Z. Was he a Narcissist? A Sociopath? I’m not sure he’s that bad.

Then, I checked out the Urban dictionary… I’ll just paraphrase and put together what people thought best describes a “fuckboy”.


Fuckboy 12237276_1523476731297482_1183441080_n

Hey, you up? No, I’m going to sleep forever just to avoid you. Bye!


I haven’t even heard of anyone using the term before. How did I think of it… and it’s actually a word?!?! LOL

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A fuckboy hopefully prepares us for the next adventure. He opens our eyes and helps us realize that we deserve better. We know our worth, and the standards that we need to set for our future relationships… so how do we end up with a poser? How do we miss the signs? We just have to be more careful and watch out for those blinders.

Fuckboy when-u-think-ur-over-the-fuckboi-thats-ruining-ur-15044836



Incidentally, I just watched the movie “Spread” starring Ashton Kutcher who’s a typical fuck boy in the movie. He’s young, charming and handsome, living the good life in Hollywood by giving rich, older women plenty of what they want: Great SEX!


I actually thought of telling Z to watch it and maybe he might learn a trick or two from Ashton to up his game coz it seems to me that he’s used to catching anchovies… not big fishes…  He just lost a big fish (moi)…  he has no clue when he’s already got a diamond in his hand. He really screwed up big time. But I am so glad I managed to get out when I did. He could’ve done major damage and jeopardized my job. Or maybe he’s really not that bad. Either that or he really doesn’t play the big leagues. Needless to say, I’m grateful that I got off unscathed. Almost!

Toy Boy – Bande-annonce (Français) HD


Bottom line, the fuckboy is now part of our past. Don’t look back. He is now someone we used to know. He no longer has a place in our hearts and our minds. We have taken back control. Now let us move on.


If you have no idea if you’re with a fuckboy, check this out… 30 Signs You Are Dating A Fuckboy.

Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



Once you go Black… really?

Zohan was the first black guy I ever dated. I won’t mince my words, he turned into an @$$hole almost immediately when we started dating. He was hot and cold and shady and got me all confused. But he’s a very different person at Ground Zero… almost everyone liked him there. He’s very charming, a great listener and he seems to be there for people. That’s how I fell for him. I’ve known him since last year but I wasn’t really talking to him. He wasn’t my type even though I did think he was kinda cute. But I had a moment where I was down and vulnerable and I guess he saw that window of opportunity. He swooped in and took advantage of it like a real player playing a fiddle. He was there for me (so I thought) and we got close and that was the beginning of the end. Ugh!

Anyway, I can’t explain what happened. He turned out to be very manipulative, a sweet talker, a “breadcrumber”, a liar and a taker. The exact opposite of what he was selling when we started going out. Initially, he seemed quite interested in what I want. He kept on asking what made me happy, what my hobbies were, what I wanted coz he says he was a “pleaser”… and I would spare you all the graphic stuff but you know where I’m going. I think he’s just used to women who don’t mind being treated like dirt and I warned him that I don’t put up with crap and I guess he thought I was kidding. End of story.


Once you go BLACK 4a3bc83d5bffd000453c5f52d68ef5fe


No way! Master Yoda, too???!!!




So I can’t say I had a bad run yet. But I won’t write them all off. As I told him, I’m color blind. I didn’t date him coz he was Black. I liked him for who he was til he showed me his true colors.

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I felt that he was so confident that once I got a taste of his tool that I’d be begging for more. I think that’s his experience with other women. They didn’t care being treated like dirt for as long as they get more of the “drug” he offered. That made him more friggin’ cocky. Like he is God’s gift to women.  Ugh!!! I actually felt curious and almost dared to prove him wrong. Actually, prove the cliché wrong that “Once you go black… “. But that meant that it’ll benefit him too and give him bragging rights so I gave it a No-Go.

I actually felt a little curious just coz he talked (bragged) about it a little too much… and I almost dared to prove him wrong. Actually, wanted to prove the cliché wrong that “Once you go black…” But one night when we were together, he said to me, “I get what I want.” He said it matter of factly. It wasn’t a serious conversation but it stuck and I thought to myself. “I get what I want, too. And screw you! You won’t get a piece of this.” And I stood by it.


Once you go BLACK e4dc67b3d07cf46862bc90106a5c0d3b


Part of me still fantasizes about how it would be like with Zohan. But I think that he’s only good in my fantasy. I honestly think he’s a dud considering the few times we were together, I think he’ll just go straight to it and won’t even bother “pre-heating the oven” if you get what I mean. He’s one of those dudes who doesn’t wanna be bothered with those amatory preludes coz they feel their dick is big enough to rock your world.


Now that he sparked my curiosity about black dudes I really wanna prove if the cliché is true. But I may be setting myself up into a trap that I might not be able to get out of.

I just hope that I’ll meet one who’s also big on integrity like myself. Who is honest and nice and won’t be playing games. I’m a big girl, I think I can handle it.


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile



Un peu, beaucoup, aveuglément!

After the disastrous experience I had with Zohan, I felt like it left a bad taste in my mouth. It’ll take time before I start dating again. I feel like I lost confidence in myself as far as trusting people… men in particular.

How can I be so blind and gullible?! STOP!!! I’m back in this cycle of being harsh to myself. That is not my affirmation.  It’s not my fault that there are people who are good at being so fake and manipulative… who just want to take advantage of others.  Moving forward, I just have to be smarter and trust my gut.

Around the time we were seeing each other the Universe sent me messages…. plenty actually. But  I chose not to listen. I was so drawn to him for some reason.  (I wrote about it in Puppet Master.) Then the Universe started throwing bricks… still  I was back and forth. Then the Universe intervened one day. Abruptly,  if I may say. Call it Divine intervention. What a relief it was for me. You have no idea. I was totally saved by the bell. Things could’ve made a turn for the worse for me.


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Today I turn a new leaf. The Universe sent me a new message thru Abraham Hicks “Let your soul mate in: Being true to yourself“.  The message… Nothing is happening to you, it is all invited by you. You invited them through your ATTENTION to them. Now you are aware that you are the “Inviter‘ of these things that happen to you. Next move is for you to go on a rampage of SELECTIVE SIFTING that would say “I’m going to find my 10 favorite things about this person/thing/situation that I find myself focused on”. For example, if you ponder on a lover/ relationship, find 10 fave things about that person then you’ll  just focus on things that are positive. This will set the TONE so that only things like your favorite things will come into your vibrational range.



Un peu, beaucoup, aveuglément! (BLIND DATE)


Blind Date (French title: Un peu, beaucoup, aveuglément) is a 2015 French romantic comedy film directed by and starring Clovis Cornillac. The film also stars Mélanie Bernier, Lilou Fogli and Philippe Duquesne. It won the audience award at the 19th annual COLCOA French Film Festival in Los Angeles and the Best First Film award at the 2015 Cabourg Film Festival.   SOURCE: Wiki


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Today, I watched this movie. No, I still haven’t changed my mind about dating anytime soon… though I would be open to a blind date when the time comes. However, I thought, these two people were too scared to go find love but they found each other though separated by a wall. It was pretty odd but it was perfect in their own way. Don’t they say the movies is a reflection of real life?

Now that I am in a state of increased awareness, I’ll use that to my advantage.  I’ll be more conscious of the thoughts that occupy my mind and make a more conscious decision to focus on the 10 favorite things about people or situations so I can always set the tone and keep it that way.


Grosses bises  ♥  Etoile