It is important in every relationship that ground rules are established from the very beginning and those clear boundaries are set. This would be a great guide for a person to decide whether to stay and move forward or move on.
I don’t remember how many times I have asked Zohan to leave me alone in the short time we have been dating. I guess he wasn’t taking me that seriously coz he knew how much I liked him and my heart was really torn. I hate that I was so easily swayed by this extremely charming man. Ugh!!! Again and again, he asks me to stop and give him a chance. I told him if I do decide to do this we’ll have to establish some ground rules. He says, “Bring it on. Give me a list.”
I thought about it and ended up with 10 ground rules. These are the basic ingredients in a relationship but I tweaked it a little bit to honor my needs. These are some of the things I listed though I did break it down for him.
1. Trust & Honesty … transparency and developing a friendship. Giving each other “Space & Privacy”.
2. Integrity … honoring your word. More action less talk.
3. Communication … keeping an open line of communication, listen attentively and be able to talk to each other respectfully.
4. Compromise… making it “win-win”.
5. Respect… Accept. Don’t judge. Let be. Let grow.
6. Safety & Security… I need to feel safe not just physically but emotionally and mentally… and I do not want to jeopardize my relationships, my education, my job, or sanity.
7. Dating … making sure we find room for QT somewhere in our very busy schedules.
8. No Pressure… Just plain unadulterated FUN… respect individual priorities. And fun actually means F-U-N… not s-e-x.
9. Taboo topics… money, religion, politics. SEX with me. (til I’m ready)
10. Ground Zero… be more discrete. Less contact.
I was back and forth about giving him the list. I was waiting for us to have alone time where I can get his undivided attention. At the same time, I think I didn’t do it because deep inside I felt like I didn’t even want to give him the list anymore. I felt it wasn’t worth it anymore coz the butterflies in my tummy were becoming more and more unpleasant.
I’ve been thinking… Do I really want to give him these many chances? What’s the point of this since I make attempts at moving on almost every week? That must tell you something. Right? Listen to your gut, b#tch! Tough love! What’s wrong with you?!!!
But every time we talked he does compromise though… then I go back to square one. 😦 I noticed that he seemed to be the kind of person who tries to test limits. I did give him clear boundaries and I called him out whenever he gets close to crossing it. The good thing is he seems to listen and he does back off a bit so I gave him props for that.
As I mentioned, I started writing this list for Zohan then I kept on tweaking it based on what I feel is important to me for a relationship to keep going… growing… to honor my authentic self. I decided that I had to start trusting myself. I have made enough excuses for him… for me… I said I won’t settle but it was obvious that as long as I keep seeing him I was settling for less than I deserved. I deserve to be treated better than that. It’s time that I choose to honor myself and my intuition… to open my eyes, take off those blinders.
So I decided, whether or not I gave it to him, it would be a good list to keep. It might come in handy for the next one that comes along…
and hopefully, I’ll do better…
Grosses bises ♥ Etoile