I invited Zohan to lunch. He has no idea that my intention is for this to be this to be our last date. No expectations. Just pure unadulterated fun. I’ll pick up the tab. I’ll drive. I’ll wrap it up with whatever good taste that’s left in my mouth.
I have been getting messages from the Universe that started as a whisper but seems to be getting louder and louder. Now, I really couldn’t ignore it. I can feel it in my gut like a pull getting stronger and stronger and I sometimes feel physically sick.
I told him that I had something to say and I wish he’d let me finish before he said anything. He nodded.
I said sorry for being mean and for acting disrespectful towards him and I thanked him for still being nice and never disrespecting me in spite of it coz he could have. I actually liked him more now because of that. I explained to him that I didn’t know how to handle how I felt and I was too scared to fall for him… and because I asked him many times to back off and he wasn’t listening, I thought being mean would be the answer but it still didn’t work so I gave up. I also said that I felt that he was too intense and I couldn’t think straight. It was affecting my work and it definitely had affected my school. I just needed space but he wasn’t giving that to me. I told him that I noticed and appreciate that he backed off this past couple of weeks and it helped me concentrate on school and work.
He just listened the whole time. I remember that this is one of the things I liked about him in the beginning. He was a great listener and he has a way of making you feel safe and secure.
Then he says, “I want to thank you for saying all that. It’s really big of you to apologize and admit you’re wrong sometimes. I like that.”
And this is where I move on… I think…
Grosses bises Etoile