I was just in and out of deep thought today… playing back the good times in my head… so short lived… how great it was with Zohan initially, then Boom!!!
I can say that I’m glad I was being sensitive to the signs. I remember watching Oprah years ago and there was a show where she says the universe would throw bricks at us and we’d still not listen. Well, for me it started with maybe some grains of rice, then some small pebbles which I felt I could still ignore but it somehow bothered me already. Then they started getting bigger like small rocks… I didn’t want it to get to be as big as a brick. that’s about as much as I can take at this point. I’m outtie!!!
I initially thought it’s just me the “perfectionist” and I’m trying to be more normal now with realistic expectations.
Anyways, I felt that it was going south so fast… for my standards at least. I’m sorry but even at my age I just know I’m not willing to settle for certain things. And one of those is flakiness. I told him from the start that I’m big on integrity and I needed him to respect my time. He knew I was very busy with school and there’s so much on my plate and I respect him for being a devoted Dad but something seemed off. Now, I’m going on a tangent.
All of a sudden a thought crossed my mind. How can something that feels so good turn bad so fast? Then the word “Love Bombing” popped up in my head. I’ve never heard of that word until last year and I blogged about it V-day of 2016. I was saying that I’ve never been a victim of it. Please check it out.
Love Bombing , what an interesting concept. Apparently, it is a “seductive tactic that is used when someone who is manipulative tries to control the relationship with bombs brimming with “love” right from day one”. I didn’t even know this was a thing until I found this article on elephant journal. ” It often takes place within whirlwind romances and is usually directed by sociopaths or narcissists. ”
Source: Love Bombing @ myldrwithafrenchman
When Zohan and I started, he seemed pushy and just wanted to see me a lot but the concept or principles of love bombing weren’t so consistent in this case though. He never misleads me with where this was going. I’m sure he could’ve made me believe that he has fallen madly in love with me so quickly just to get in panties but he didn’t do that either. He had windows of opportunity to get in my panties (literally) as I was very vulnerable but I get to stop him… I’m sure he knew he could’ve pushed a little harder and I would’ve given in… I think.
Love bombing is initially carried out through excessive phone calls, text messages, emails, the constant desire to be in close contact whether virtual or physical and the desire to be connected almost every moment of every day.
Those who fall victim to love bombing may be at a vulnerable stage in their life and the love bomber swoops in and naturally seems to fill all the voids. They play close attention to painful emotional wounds, weaknesses and insecurities and will tell their target everything they want to hear and they often express dramatic displays of affection. However, anyone can be taken advantage of and can become a victim, so it is always best to be on guard.
Love bombers are masters at flattery; they will constantly be telling their target how much they adore them, how beautiful they are, how funny, talented, special, precious and any other sweet nothing they can think of. Love bombers will make their partner feel as though they are the only person in the world for them…
Source: Elephant Journal
I agree I’m pretty vulnerable. And I’m sure he knows that. But I was clear from the beginning. He knew I haven’t been touched by a man in a long time but I was willing to wait… that I wanted to wait for the right person, the right time and the right place. I asked him to wait til I’m ready. He said we both know I’m ready but he’ll respect that and that he’ll wait. I don’t know if he’s just strategizing but honestly, I feel that if that’s the only thing he wanted to get from me, he could’ve taken it already but he chose not to. Now, the question is, what else does he want from me?
The victim will likely be feeling as though they have met their ideal partner and will be genuinely mirroring back all the words and actions as they believe they are falling in love and that they are so fortunate to have met someone so attentive.
Throughout every stage the energy-malnourished manipulator is looking for someone to top up their depleted supply. When it moves from devaluation and on to the discard stage, right when the one being manipulated feels they are strong enough to break away, the cycle goes back to the start to the idealization phase and the vicious cycle continues. This is because the abuser will not be able to bear it if someone dares to walk away from them before they have declared the game over as their ego will be irrevocably dented.
Narcissists and sociopaths thrive on drama and they don’t care what form it takes. This scenario is repeated and repeated until one or the other can bear no more.
Idealization, devaluation, discard. In any new, or even current, relationship these are powerful words to be remembered and looked out for. The only way to ensure the end of the game is to break the contact and stick to it.
Source: Elephant Journal
I was getting more and more doubtful of his intentions. He was getting flaky initially which really bothered me but I understand that he has lots on his plate, too. However, I have the same and still keep my appointments with him on time. This really bothered me and for me it equates to disrespect. It also shows good character (or lack of it). However, after we talked, he did get better at it and showed that he was trying.
So how do you know if the guy who has you daydreaming at work, and feeling like a teenager again, is a “Love Bomber”?
If you’ve been love bombed, just remember, you’re not weak… you’re not stupid… you’re human. It is our humanity that these narcissists take advantage of. This is the reason why everyone of us may be victimized by these sociopaths.
“The sociopath’s ruse is deception upon deception… Since people are objects they are disposable to the sociopath. It’s hard to say, but not all allow their prey to live to tell the tale.” – Dr. Deborah Ettel, PhD, Psychology
Here are three helpful articles that I think you should check out if you have the slightest hint that you’re being love bombed.
- 20 Characteristics of a Con Man Sociopath
- 5 Ways to Disarm a Love Bombing Sociopath
- Sociopath and the Confusion of Kindness
Love bombing works because humans have a natural need to feel good about who we are, and often we can’t fill this need on our own. Sometimes the reason is situational, brought on by an event, like divorce or job loss. … Whatever the source, love bombers are experts at detecting low self-esteem, and exploiting it.
The paradox of love bombing is that people who use it aren’t always seeking targets that broadcast insecurity for all to see. On the contrary, the love bomber is also insecure, so to boost their ego, the target must at least seem like a great “catch.” Maybe she’s the beautiful woman, who’s lonely because her beauty intimidates people, etc… SOURCE: Love Bombing: Are You a Victim?
To wrap this long post up, Nope! I don’t think Zohan loved bombed the Queen (that’s moi) or made any attempts at all. I was just being melodramatic according to my wingman, Goose. He says, “Why do girls do this shit?! You went in head first. Nobody forced you into that. You got what you wanted. All is fair in love and war.” Spoken like a real douche… reads “man”. I think he was just a flaky player who’s not that good at playing the game. Or maybe I’m a little bit better at playing it… and I thought I got rusty… lol
Anyways, I saw right through him. Maybe he was just being a guy who wanted a warm body. I believe that he was genuinely interested in me. I don’t think that he mislead me in any way. Just like any guy with raging hormones who’s been fantasizing about getting into this chick’s (moi) panties for a while. I think he did what he thought he had to do. At least I haven’t given up the “flag” yet. I do think he may be a Narcissist but don’t most men think they’re God’s gift to women? I’ll have to leave that thought for another post… lol
Zohan could’ve done major damage but he didn’t. I still think he’s a good man… there is some inherent good in people, yes? Or maybe I’m just naive and want to see the good side.
It’s just a case of wrong place, wrong time… and for me, the wrong match.
Now, back to my Frenchie… 🙂