This may sound stupid but about a week ago I got several messages from my Frenchie. About 7 to be exact. Six voice messages and a video message. It was his response to my most recent text — “surprise me“. He surprised me alright.
I don’t know what he’s thinking now. I normally respond right away just to at least acknowledge it. Say ‘thank you‘ and let him know that I’ll be sending him either a voice message or a video message in a few days. Yes, we’re that busy.
Why stupid? Coz I still couldn’t get myself to respond to it. I finally managed to type up my response yesterday but I still couldn’t get myself to record and send it to him. I don’t know what’s going on with me but I guess I’m feeling down. Or maybe I’m feeling confused.
He did everything I asked of him and more. I was just thinking these past days that for the more than one year that I have known him, he has been very thoughtful and generous and very sweet. Whatever I ask of him he’d do and more. And when he sends me messages, I feel that he couldn’t trump that then he sends me stuff which blows my mind more than I can imagine. He’s just full of surprises. From sending me collages, to narrations to doing a play by play or just being silly.
One of the things that touches my heart is when he sends me photos of him with his kids. I know he rarely sees them. I try not to bug him but I made sure from the beginning that he knew it was important to me to see him finding time to visit them as they live far from Paris. And I wanted to see proof. He initially sent me photos of his kids by themselves but that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted to see that they were spending QT with their dad together in photos. He was actually doing a lot better by summer of last year. I’m so proud of him and it made me really happy whenever he sent me those photos.
Just a week before last he sent me 27 photos, most of them with his kids and a couple of long voice messages (3 and 10 minutes) and a short video clip. This was mind boggling, mind blowing for me (@ Recording Audio) and I thought he couldn’t trump that… then he surprises me with this so soon. So what’s up now?
I have to admit that I’ve been constantly thinking about him over the past few weeks. I can’t get him out of my mind. And the more I think about him, the more I feel like I want to be with him… physically.
I want to fly to Paris. .. like asap! I don’t think I can wait til the Fall. In fact, I just checked the ticket prices as I was typing away. But I felt this way in the past. That’s why I’ve decided to stop communication. I’m trying to practice restraint. This too shall pass. I do not want to be impulsive and end up saying something I might regret. Maybe misleading him in the process. That is one thing I would never want to do.
Grosses bises ♥ Etoile