I’ve always thought (or maybe feared?) that I may be on the receiving end of this. But now it seems I’m on the giving end of it not that I like it that way. I feel that some men who are “jerks” in general do it coz they’re just being that — “jerks” and don’t want to deal with confrontations or be a man about it. But there are also decent guys who simply don’t want to hurt your feelings but know that whatever they say there’s no way around it so it’s better to just not call — still a “jerk” so either way they can’t win, right?
In my case (not that I’m trying to justify it) I have talked to Will many times, however, he won’t listen to reason. So I didn’t really “ghost” him in its true sense as I’m kinda using it as one of my last resort. What would you do if it seems that your only option is “ghosting”? Honestly, I don’t agree in using this as a means of ending a relationship (or whatever it is we have). But if the other person is being difficult and you run out of options then what’s left to do is to just cut off all communication.
Well, I’ve been “ghosted” before. At least I thought I was… by my Frenchie. It wasn’t pleasant. I was devastated. I didn’t hear from him for days and it turned out that he had no access to an internet connection. Where could that be??? Nowadays, I think we can be reached even if we’re in Timbuktu, Mt. Everest, the Sahara desert or the Amazon rainforest. To say the least, I left him a short VM that he heard when he got back in Paris and he called me immediately. I was happy and angry at the same time and I made myself crystal clear. Long story short, that didn’t happen again.
I am not justifying ghosting in any way but I have maintained that I just wanted to be friends and I couldn’t handle the pressure that my friendship with Will was putting on me. I was enjoying our daily conversations but whenever he starts talking about “our future” which I don’t really see with him I just feel that my being mum would hurt him and I wouldn’t want to lie to him either. If he cannot accept my friendship and cannot respect that it is all I can offer I’d rather that we just move on as much as it hurts.
It’s been several weeks since I have responded to Will’s phone/video calls, text messages, or any attempts of communication. I don’t know why I haven’t blocked him yet. It pains me every time he says how much he loves me and that he won’t give up. How he says “it doesn’t matter that I don’t answer, he just wants me to know that he doesn’t love me any less”. It breaks my heart but at the same time I’m thinking “What is wrong with this man???” I have done this to him several times in the many months we have known each other… He has said “Have a nice life. Goodbye!” Many times and yet he comes back for more and says it again. He shouldn’t have a problem finding women in London since he is quite handsome. Is he masochistic??? Does he get off getting hurt or rejected. I’m just a regular chick. What makes him think I’m so special? Ugh!!! I have told him time and again to move on and that he deserved someone who would be able to reciprocate his affection and devotion. I don’t want to lead him on. If that meant we had to end our friendship, as much as it hurts it has to be done.
Anyway, a few days ago I got a viber call. I thought it was my dad so I almost picked up but when I saw his photo my heart was crushed. I guess I still miss him. I just stared at his handsome image on my phone. I couldn’t reject it but I couldn’t pick it up either. I just let it ring until it stopped. I realized that I wasn’t over him. Then he sent me a text message. He’s here in the US. He wanted to talk… maybe meet if I’m still up to it… He’s been here and was leaving for London. Is he really finally here? Or is it a ploy to finally get me to talk to him again? It’s been a while that I haven’t responded to any of his attempts to get in touch with me… he should understand that I want to be left alone… I’ve said it many times in not so many words. I don’t want to be confused anymore…